Friday, August 29, 2014

Just your basic Friday emotions

I still feel like I'm in the thick of it most of the time. I know this is (basically) my favorite subject matter, but that's because the thick of it encompasses so much of my life. Every day I see a endless pile of something that makes me feel like I'll never get caught up, every day I struggle through some basic failure of self-discipline which just makes things worse, every day I find sand/crumbs/dirt under my duvet, every day I loose it a little/lot bit, every day I find Johnny digging through the fridge, spilling milk, not flushing the toilet... everrrr.

And it's easy to feel swallowed up.

This week was our first week of school and it was wonderful because 1. I am totally focused, sitting, interacting with my kids for the first half of the day 2. It gives us good structure 3. It simplifies our life because we can't commit to a whole lot, etc. But it was also a tricky week because 1.-10. I felt totally incapable of keeping up on all other aspects of life. Dinner, dishes, laundry, getting kids to bed on time, getting myself to bed on time, getting any place on time, brushing my hair, teeth, etc. I just felt like I couldn't do any of it. I know these things are generally of lesser value and I know we will get into a rhythm soon(isn) but when Johnny slammed the refrigerator door on my index finger today and when I caught Clemmy painting with her kefir this morning, I  found myself starting to loooooose mmmmyyyyyy miiiiinnnnnnd.

I decided to push school back a bit and I went outside to yank the dead tomato bushes out of our garden (much awaited chore + escapism) and I asked Hero to play with the baby for ten minutes while I did it.

And when I came back inside I found this...


And it made me realize that if I looked hard enough, I would realize that life is a lot more over than it is under. 

A lot.


Because there is goodness all around. It's all around. It's in the kefir painting because my girl's chubby fingers did it. It's in the refrigerator digging because he will probably still be doing it at 20 and I'll miss that little squirt with the mud-caked feet in my kitchen. It's in the piles of laundry because I have people to wash for. It's in my seven year old girl who sings her baby brother to sleep in our bed, just because. It's really all around, all the time. But it can be so hard to see. I feel like I hardly ever see it lately and I want that to change. Don't you?







27 comments:

  1. Oh yes, so much. I feel that all summer I've been trying to be in a different place, hurried through my recovery so we could just be productive instead of stuck. But in the stuck was really great times. And I'm starting to observe more than direct. That is eye opening. What a great pic. Way to go, Hero.

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    1. It's so hard!! Constant struggle for me, for sure.

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  2. Oh my- this is so me right now! We've just had our third baby and this weekend- the weekend of her baptism- ive thrown my back out. I have like 40 people descending on our tiny home tomorrow and can barely walk let alone clean. Funnily enough though, I feel lucky to just sit and cuddle my babies instead of all the crazy cleaning I would be doing.

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  3. So beautifully put, even for those without babes. A wonderful reminder to savor it all, stressful or pleasurable. <3

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  4. Yes your twenty year old will still dig around in the refrigerator and make a mess. Mine still does. And I only lasted one year of homeschooling before I had to get on antidepressants so your doing better than I did.

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  5. There is a fantastic book that just popped into my head. 1,000 Gifts. Ann Voskamp.

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  6. Wow, SO glad to read this. I love knowing that it's possible to for others to feel "swallowed up" by life and still keep going, even finding the positive, blessed side of things. I'm starting homeschool with my six-year old son in September. And I've also got a 4 yr old, a 2 yr old, and a 9 month old. I am rather terrified about how to make it work because... things (dishes, laundry, cooking) aren't "working" very well here even without adding school! Thanks for the encouragement! By the way, it"s so fun to see you writing again! Kate Rhodes had a link to your blog in her blog's sidebar a long time ago, which was how I first found you. I read your "The Essential Hour" post over and over again because it gave me so much hope.

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  7. Perfect timing for me! I am pregnant and have suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum (morning sickness times a million…so awful) and my house is a wreck. My husband has been so busy working full time, coming home to take care of me and our dog, making food, etc and everything has fell to the wayside. I'm 14 weeks now and finally feeling a little better (thanks to a medication pump that delivers anti nausea meds directly into my leg!) and we are both feeling so overwhelmed. I also started back at school this week in the nursing program, and it's like everything is blowing up! But I just have to relax and realize, I'M GROWING A HUMAN! Having a clean sink seems so much less important than that. If only I could get my husband to realize that, he's already stressing about putting locks on our cupboards no matter how many times I remind him we have a loooong time to take care of that.

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  8. YES to being grateful for the insanity--because we have little people to make us insane. And that is a blessing in and of itself!

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  10. Wow - completely felt this entire post. And, I'm not homeschooling yet. Thanks for writing this. It's a wonderful reminder for me to look for those "over" moments in our days, too. Want to come over for a drink?? ;)

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  11. Thank you for the reminder.

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  12. I agree with Kari. Read 100 Gifts if you haven't already. BTW sweet post. Number 578 why I love homeschooling. It brings out the simple beautiful moments in life that you may have otherwise missed. It also gives the olders an opportunity to experience the littles in a totally different way, alot of the time teaching them compassion and patience.

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  13. There is beauty in the ordinary and everydayy! At least that's what keeps me going when I feel in the weeds. This was beautifully articulate. Thanks for sharing.
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  14. I love to read this type of material Good and attractive information I take from it..Thank you for posting such a good article.

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  15. Sister to take care of his younger brother, well done.

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  16. Have you read The Little Oratory? It was fantastic! It has great ideas about making your life more prayer centered, including praying the Breviary a couple times if you can (my oatmeal brain couldn't figure it out, so I short cut and use the Magnificat. It's 5 bucks a month, but so worth it!) I love my little respite in front of my antique dresser (found it for only $40! It has that beautiful, antique, hint-of-musk smell that helps open the senses) where I try to pray at least twice a day. It's gone a long way towards keeping me centered and cheery throughout the day (I have a lot of prayer intentions for patience!). Saint Augustine (one of my favorite saints!) said our hearts are restless until they rest in God. Sometimes I think we busy home school moms, understandably, get caught up in the hurricane that is our lives and it's nice to have a little structured time with God throughout the week, i addition to Sunday! Also, if you can listen to an interview with Leila Lawler, she has the sweetest voice (I first heard her interviewed on Catholic Answers). I heard it in my head the entire time I read it! :-) And her co-author, David Clayton, teaches Icon painting!

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