Just your basic Friday emotions

I still feel like I'm in the thick of it most of the time. I know this is (basically) my favorite subject matter, but that's because the thick of it encompasses so much of my life. Every day I see a endless pile of something that makes me feel like I'll never get caught up, every day I struggle through some basic failure of self-discipline which just makes things worse, every day I find sand/crumbs/dirt under my duvet, every day I loose it a little/lot bit, every day I find Johnny digging through the fridge, spilling milk, not flushing the toilet... everrrr.

And it's easy to feel swallowed up.

This week was our first week of school and it was wonderful because 1. I am totally focused, sitting, interacting with my kids for the first half of the day 2. It gives us good structure 3. It simplifies our life because we can't commit to a whole lot, etc. But it was also a tricky week because 1.-10. I felt totally incapable of keeping up on all other aspects of life. Dinner, dishes, laundry, getting kids to bed on time, getting myself to bed on time, getting any place on time, brushing my hair, teeth, etc. I just felt like I couldn't do any of it. I know these things are generally of lesser value and I know we will get into a rhythm soon(isn) but when Johnny slammed the refrigerator door on my index finger today and when I caught Clemmy painting with her kefir this morning, I  found myself starting to loooooose mmmmyyyyyy miiiiinnnnnnd.

I decided to push school back a bit and I went outside to yank the dead tomato bushes out of our garden (much awaited chore + escapism) and I asked Hero to play with the baby for ten minutes while I did it.

And when I came back inside I found this...

And it made me realize that if I looked hard enough, I would realize that life is a lot more over than it is under. 

A lot.

Because there is goodness all around. It's all around. It's in the kefir painting because my girl's chubby fingers did it. It's in the refrigerator digging because he will probably still be doing it at 20 and I'll miss that little squirt with the mud-caked feet in my kitchen. It's in the piles of laundry because I have people to wash for. It's in my seven year old girl who sings her baby brother to sleep in our bed, just because. It's really all around, all the time. But it can be so hard to see. I feel like I hardly ever see it lately and I want that to change. Don't you?