Monday, September 22, 2014

Peepocalypse Now

Pee is seriously taking over my life. Have you seen my hamper lately? No?


It just seems like all the big kids are in this bizarre rotation of forever peeing. We will take them to pee before bed, then we will wake them up to pee when we go to bed, and then, always, without fail, someone will still pee. That is three pees since going to bed without drinking any new liquids. How is that even possible?

The other night Johnny peed in his bed, so he came to sleep in our bed. But then, when we went to go to bed we found that he had peed in our bed (on Kirby's side, harrr) and before the morning Mary had peed and Clemmy leaked through her diaper. SO.... what I am trying to say is, it's a real shit show over here in the pee/sheets/blankets/people waking up crying/people crawling into your bed with soaking wet underwear/etc. department(s).  Imagine my DELIGHT when my first sponsored post opportunity came along and (well well well) it was for Pull-Ups. LOL said the universe.

Pull-Ups: Hi, would you like to use Pull-Ups for zero dollars and write a blog post about it?

Me: UM, YES

or the patron saint of peed-on sheets straight interceded on my behalf and God's answer to me was 
JUST BUY PULL-UPS.

'k.

So, thanks to Huggies for sponsoring. There are only two brands for sale at our local grocery store and one of them is the cheap brand that gets peed through (ahem) and one of them is Huggies, so, win.

But I am realizing that the big thing about Pull-Ups is that they are supposed to be for potty training, right? (If you haven't already figured it out, I am the reigning queen of potty training so do yourself some favors listen to all I say.) But let's be honest, potty training Clemmy right now seems a bit like ugh, barf to me. I am sure that's because 1. all the aforementioned pee and 2. all the aforementioned pee. I just don't want any new pee right now! NO NEW PEE. But I still consider myself pre-potty training (if that's a thing) and it seems like everyone has tips for this stuff so I will give you mine. 

1. Have children
2. Diaper them, every day, many times
3. After approx 29 months, notice they can pull up their own pants, kinda
4. Realize that means they could pull up Pull-Ups 
5. Buy Pull-Ups
6. Spend your newly freed-up parenting energy washing everyone's pee sheets
7. Lose your mind
8. Remember you have Pull-Ups
9. Stuff any recent pee offenders into 2/3 year old sized Doc McStuffin's. Boy/girl, no matter. 
10. Be happy
11. "
12. "
13. "
14. "
15. "
16. Think about potty training sometime early Spring 2015
17. Make a gin + tonic

It's simple! 17 simple steps...

Tonight I laid on a floor pillow and took photos while Clemmy got herself ready for bed. Herself. Dreamy.


I am planning on unparenting this diaper situation as long as possible but when the time really does come, I think I'm headed here to check out some new tips and/or tricks that I might have missed along the way, because there was no such thing as a Big Kid Academy when we potty trained Hero. No such thing! In the meantime, I still signed up because coupons!! (Hello, duh)

And when I do get there (to potty training, not to the Big Kid Academy), if you were to ask me really, really how am I going to do it I would tell you this...

1. Wait until Clemmy can pull down/up her pants and undies (essential!!)
2. Hose off floor potty chair that has been in the dirt in the backyard for 18 months (or buy new one via recommendations here)
3. Show her where the potty is
4. Grit teeth
5. Make a gin + tonic
*6. Keep buying Pull-Ups forever, amen.

(I'm sure I helped you times a billion)



(You notice the sheet-free/recently pee'd on bed, right? This is not a joke!!)


Also, can someone from Howtohangthingstraight.com get in touch? I'm open for sponsorship.

31 comments:

  1. Bahaha! This Is great! And totally true. Pull Ups save my sanity (and my water bill) daily. My recently-turned-3-yr-old can be trusted in panties at our house ONLY. It took one mega-embarrasing "poop on the playground" incident (The preschool teacher handed me a plastic bag and suggested I just throw her pants away and not bother. Impressive, kid!) to realize Pull Ups while away are a must for my little potty monster. And bare-booty at night? No way, Jose. God bless, good luck, keep up the good work... and I pray you have rubber sheets! ;)

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    Replies
    1. I have mattress protectors EXCEPT for when they are being washed....😒 oh man. I have throw many a pair of undies away. Many!

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  2. Possibly the most hilarious intro to a sponsored post ever. "LOL said the universe." Here's to fewer peed on sheet for you to wash.

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  3. Oh em gee, same troubles here, except add poop. The four-year-old says "I waited too long..." and the two-year-old takes her diaper off and the one-year-old goes diaper diving, often all in the same day. Wut. Plus newborn many many diaper changes daily. Our six-year-old is the only one not regularly contributing to the fun. Drowning in laundry here. One thing that helps a lot though are these bed pads I snagged off Amazon in a fit of absolute genius (http://www.amazon.com/Reusable-Bedpads-34x36-absorbs-1800cc/dp/B0002DMPFS/ref=sr_1_3?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1411461322&sr=1-3&keywords=reusable+bed+pads). Change just a bed pad instead of all the sheets? Yes, please. We have two for each bed, so that if an accident happens I can just remove the offending pad and replace it with a clean one. So worth it. They've held up real well. Now I just heard the newborn seriously unload, back to the front lines with me!

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    1. Noooooooo!!!! I feel so sad for you!!! And I had that same thought last night! Disposable pads. Getting some today!

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  4. How fitting that I should read this post just before discovering that my four-year-old peed on his bed for the fourth day in a row. ;) I love Pull-Ups. (And we may be going back to them!) We normally buy Pampers products, but Pull-Ups work and fit so much better than the Pampers equivalent. Love 'em. Sorry about all the pee! May this phase pass quickly!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah pampers drive me nuts and I hate that they smell.... I'm so sad you're having pee nights too. Peace be with you.

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  5. My favorite phrase: shit show. And I clicked clicked clicked!!! Way to go, pee-queen!

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  6. ha ha, funny post! I just trained 3 year old twin boys, so I get the pee thing. It doesn't seem to stop, even after they're potty trained! I need to Clorox spray the (1 single) bathroom in our house or it perpetually smells like a porto john. And by the way, Ms. Blythe (smile), I made your laundry detergent and swear by it and brag to everyone how amazing it is and how crunchy I am and now do I spy store-bought detergent in your laundry room?? (wink wink wink).

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    Replies
    1. Haha yes!! I ran out of washing soda and it coincided with my inaugural costco trip!! So, now I have a double supply of Kirkland free and clear. Ha! Don't worry though, the 15 bars of soap in my bathroom will not be ignored;)

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  7. I pretty much LOLed non stop. Love love loved this! Also love the pictures! Clemmy is a cutie!!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. I'm so glad something good can come of this.-___-

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  8. Oh, how I love Pull Ups. They totally saved my sanity during potty training. My philosophy. Just put em in pull ups and wait. They will figure it out sometime before college!

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  9. I'm not from howtohangthingsstraight.com BUT buy that blue poster tack stuff for $2.50 put it on the back corners of your frame like you would a poster, sick it back on the nail, make sure it is straight and push the tack to stick to the wall and never have a cooked frame EVER AGAIN! You still need to use nails or whatever the weight of the frame but it is a life saver. I guess LUCKY me my kids have lots of poop'sues round here. "My body likes to suck the poop back in mom" ahhhhhh! Kids are so sick sometimes!

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  10. I am new to your blog (thank you, Camp Patton!) and you've got me hooked. My laundry room currently reeks of pee. My kids' bedroom reeks of pee (I poked my head in last night to make sure they were all sleeping IN their beds and the smell just about made me gag...and I have a very terrible sense of smell). My kids' bathroom reeks of pee (how my daughter managed to have such acidic pee that it took off all the slippery stuff that they add to potty chair pots, I'll never know, but thus the culprit of the pee smell there). I have two loads' worth of sheets/blankets (b/c my kids also like to hoard blankets on their beds) waiting for me at home. Anyway, I will agree and nod and nod some more. Does it ever end???

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  11. Thank you!!! Sounds familiar right now except we have just one not quite 3 yr boy and our dryer is broken. I've given up on potty training without pullups until the dryer is fixed because pee laundry must be washed and dried immediately or the whole house stinks. My child can do pee at weird amounts and times too like he pees a ton before we leave the house but 4.5 minutes later tries to tell me he must go again when we're on the interstate and by the time we made it to the exit it's too late. How can he produce a ton more pee every 10 minutes yet sometimes do nothing for hours?

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  12. Hilarious. All of it (Sorry! Kind of). The crookedness on the wall at the end is my favorite part though!

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  13. Can you PLEASE come be my neighbor?! I need your hilarity in my life. You are the best - the best!

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  14. This was the best sponsored/ potty training post in the history of peed on things. I am in, step in all the puddles of bodily fluid from children right now. Somehow they wont dirty their own territory (their bed) but have no problem letting it all go in the communal areas.

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  15. Hahaha! Bless your heart! Hang in there!

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  16. Hilarious. Read it to my husband, he also thought it hilarious. The struggle is real!:)

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  17. Sorry there's so much urine in your life right now. We are using pull-ups for naps and nights. They are the best!

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  18. hahaha. i loved this, you are so funny. we have a constant pee pile over here too. i love how honest you are... p.s. is that a pad on the floor?

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  19. LOL awww, that sounds like no fun. But at least it was your hubby's side of the bed that got peed on. ;) :D
    xox
    giedre

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