Peepocalypse Now

Pee is seriously taking over my life. Have you seen my hamper lately? No?

It just seems like all the big kids are in this bizarre rotation of forever peeing. We will take them to pee before bed, then we will wake them up to pee when we go to bed, and then, always, without fail, someone will still pee. That is three pees since going to bed without drinking any new liquids. How is that even possible?

The other night Johnny peed in his bed, so he came to sleep in our bed. But then, when we went to go to bed we found that he had peed in our bed (on Kirby's side, harrr) and before the morning Mary had peed and Clemmy leaked through her diaper. SO.... what I am trying to say is, it's a real shit show over here in the pee/sheets/blankets/people waking up crying/people crawling into your bed with soaking wet underwear/etc. department(s).  Imagine my DELIGHT when my first sponsored post opportunity came along and (well well well) it was for Pull-Ups. LOL said the universe.

Pull-Ups: Hi, would you like to use Pull-Ups for zero dollars and write a blog post about it?

Me: UM, YES

or the patron saint of peed-on sheets straight interceded on my behalf and God's answer to me was 

JUST BUY PULL-UPS.

'k.

So, thanks to Huggies for sponsoring. There are only two brands for sale at our local grocery store and one of them is the cheap brand that gets peed through (ahem) and one of them is Huggies, so, win.

But I am realizing that the big thing about Pull-Ups is that they are supposed to be for potty training, right? (If you haven't already figured it out, I am the reigning queen of potty training so do yourself some favors listen to all I say.) But let's be honest, potty training Clemmy right now seems a bit like ugh, barf to me. I am sure that's because 1. all the aforementioned pee and 2. all the aforementioned pee. I just don't want any new pee right now! NO NEW PEE. But I still consider myself pre-potty training (if that's a thing) and it seems like everyone has tips for this stuff so I will give you mine. 

1. Have children

2. Diaper them, every day, many times

3. After approx 29 months, notice they can pull up their own pants, kinda

4. Realize that means they could pull up Pull-Ups 

5. Buy Pull-Ups

6. Spend your newly freed-up parenting energy washing everyone's pee sheets

7. Lose your mind
8. Remember you have Pull-Ups

9. Stuff any recent pee offenders into 2/3 year old sized Doc McStuffin's. Boy/girl, no matter. 

10. Be happy

11. "

12. "
13. "
14. "
15. "

16. Think about potty training sometime early Spring 2015
17. Make a gin + tonic

It's simple! 17 simple steps...

Tonight I laid on a floor pillow and took photos while Clemmy got herself ready for bed. Herself. Dreamy.

I am planning on unparenting this diaper situation as long as possible but when the time really does come, I think I'm headed here to check out some new tips and/or tricks that I might have missed along the way, because there was no such thing as a Big Kid Academy when we potty trained Hero. No such thing! In the meantime, I still signed up because coupons!! (Hello, duh)

And when I do get there (to potty training, not to the Big Kid Academy), if you were to ask me really, really how am I going to do it I would tell you this...

1. Wait until Clemmy can pull down/up her pants and undies (essential!!)
2. Hose off floor potty chair that has been in the dirt in the backyard for 18 months (or buy new one via recommendations here)
3. Show her where the potty is
4. Grit teeth
5. Make a gin + tonic
*6. Keep buying Pull-Ups forever, amen.

(I'm sure I helped you times a billion)

(You notice the sheet-free/recently pee'd on bed, right? This is not a joke!!)

Also, can someone from Howtohangthingstraight.com get in touch? I'm open for sponsorship.