remembering

this photo says it all. it was 1:04 in the morning. we had been at it for over a day. i was so tired. i was so elated. i had been pushing for a really long time and my eyes were almost swollen shut so i could barely see her. it was almost comical. i remember closing my eyes tight then opening them and trying to memorize as much as possible because i couldn't keep them open for more than a few seconds, and everything was blurry. i remember feeling soooo good. it's amazing that after so long of feeling really bad, in an instant, you feel more amazing than you ever have in your whole life. i was so tired i couldn't even cry right. i remember just making crying sounds but i didn't really move my face at all. i must of looked like a total lunatic. i remember how amazing that moment was, seeing my baby for the first time, realizing how great God is and what a miracle life is. what a miracle that i was living and participating in this incredible thing. i remembering being so in love with kirby and feeling so attached to him. i remember eating carrots with ranch right after i got out of the tub and feeling like it was the greatest thing i had ever tasted. i felt so alive yet completely exhausted beyond my capacity. i remember feeling like my life had started. i remember the room bring dark and warm. i remember her being soft and slippery and tiny. i remember feeling powerful and amazed. that's what i remember.