today is Holy Thursday... today we celebrate the Passover meal Christ shared with His disciples, tonight He kneels in the garden and begs the Father to let this cup pass, tonight He is kissed and betrayed and tomorrow He is put on the cross to die.
Lent is ending and i have been at a loss for things to blog about. forty days is a long enough time to just kind of get used to things. while it is a time of abstinence and fasting, it's easy to just get used to the things you have changed in your life. for me, i gave up tv. it was meant to be a sacrifice, something that could redirect my thoughts to Christ every time i didn't pick up the remote. but now, now i am just used to not watching tv, and it's easy to forget the sacrifice. that's why i wanted to make this week, Holy Week, something special. i wanted to complete this forty days with a serious deepening of my understanding of Christ and His sacrifice for us. so i planned to really sacrifice things; i wanted to feel somber and morose so that i could really experience this season.
so i had all these plans... lots of time for prayer, lots of solitude, eating very simply, no tv, no music, even keeping the lights off in the house from Good Friday to Easter morning. reminding us that the Light had gone out. i really wanted to create a mood in our home that reflects the sadness of those few days in waiting... but also to accentuate the JOY of Easter morning. i want our kids to wake up to a house that is filled with flowers and colors and a feast of a breakfast and music and Easter baskets and candy and celebration. i want them to experience the extreme beauty of Christ's resurrection and i want them to feel that contast. anyway, so i have all these plans...
ahhh, God loves plans, right?
we all got the flu.
instead of spending time in contemplation and prayer, i am mopping up vomit and holding mine back.
instead of planning and preparing and even keeping the house clean so we can focus on things like Jesus, i can't get off the couch and the house just keeps getting messier.... all... around... me.
instead of keeping the distractions of media at bay, we have been watching cartoons for two days.
and then He showed me that it is here that I will experience Him. in my weakness and in my sickness and in my inability to do all the things i want to do, even with the purest of intentions.
and just like He asked the disciples to sit a while and wait with Him, He is asking me to sit, and wait.... and not plan out how to experience Him and His death and His infinite mercy that led Him to that cross. because I could never get it anyway.
I have to trust that He will lead me to Him in His own way, not mine... and it will be in my suffering that I see Him clearly, not in my hyper-controlled, organized and highly thought out way.
and so we will wait. and while i am soothing a barfing baby i will remember the last commandment Jesus gave today, the day we celebrate as His last with His disciples... to love one another. which is sometimes a challenge when vomit is involved.
i still plan on making a feast (i love that word) on Easter morning. i just hope there is someone around here that can keep it down.
see you after Sunday.
have a blessed, thoughtful and joyful next three days.