one week ago, right now, we met our son, john campion. born at 9:19 pm on the 7th of april. out of the water and into my arms after a fierce labor, i looked into the eyes of this sneaky love of mine...
sneaky because he was unexpected. i mean- i knew i was having a baby, i knew i would love him, and i couldn't wait to meet him, but i had no idea what a boy-child would mean to me. all i knew for those 10ish months was that i had two girls that i was head over heels for and a big, fat belly that slipped my mind most of the time. i had experienced this with mary... feeling so busy with life with hero that my pregnancy became a sort of an afterthought. and then she was born and she hit me full force and i was lost in love with her. my pregnancy with john felt like a sped up version of that- two babies keeping my life in motion, suspended in forever pregnancy, not really seeing an end because our life keeps me in the moment. on top of that... a boy. alien, stranger, foreigner. until he came out of that water.
i actually did say those words... "my son." i cried them. he looked right at me and in that instant i knew he was my boy forever, i knew exactly what it was to love a son and to be a boy's momma. he is the latest champion of my heart. he is my sneaky love.
i have done a lot of processing this week... working out my emotions towards my labor and his birth. i am sure i will write more about that later but, in short, it was fast and crazy intense. it was a real battle mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. i had a really great talk with lindy earlier this week about it and she was helping me to sort through some of the issues. she said something so powerful to me. she said that life is lived in the hills and the valleys, not in the plains. she said that if we lived life at a 5 on the scale, we wouldn't really be living. it is the deep, dark pits and the high, clear peaks that we really feel what it is to live- they are the beauty of our experience. she then reminded me of how incredible it is that when we give birth we experience those extreme moments in the very same frame of time. how many other moments in our lives to we get to feel that contrast so vividly? giving birth to a child really sends you deep down into battle, it transforms you with it's great power and intensity and pain. but in it's climax it sends you straight to the top of it all... to the highest height and the most glorious moment... holding that tiny, slippery loveliness in your arms.
when i think of labor and childbirth in these terms i am so profoundly grateful for the ability to do it. i love what it teaches me about myself, i love who i become when i conquer in battle, i love that it shows me what it is to mother. i am so glad to be a woman, to be a wife and a mother, to have experienced these miracle moments. i am so thankful to hold a new life to my chest, to have a new battle to know, a new baby to love.
God is so good, He is so good to me.