true story

kirby gets annoyed at me for never capitalizing anything. i bet you do, too.

well, somehow my high school computer class failed to teach me the essential skill of holding down the shift key to capitalize. i always just hit 'caps lock' on and off, on and off, on and off. it is a tiresome task.

a few years ago kirby was watching me type and i heard him say, "are you kidding me right now?"

"what?!"

(apparently you are not supposed to hit 'caps lock' on and off, over and over, in order to capitalize. kirby thought this was pretty hilarious.)

but learning how to type in a whole new way seemed much to arduous for me. kinda like when the dentist told me i had to learn how to swallow differently so that my front teeth wouldn't stick out. i say give me the sticky outtie teeth.

so there it is. true story.

and now, this cute photo.

recent discovery

so i never ever thought about school, really. and sometimes i even felt weird about it because all my lady friends were talking about preschool, this and that. and most of the time i felt like a loser, smiling and um-huming and thinking to myself, "why am i not thinking about this stuff??? i am a terrible mother!"

and then suddenly hero was three, then three and a half and then the wall hit me. kids starting school all around her. but why not her? i knew i had to figure this out.


and then my dear friend, hope, gave me this book. a dreaded book to some maybe, but a treasure trove to me.
the book is titled, "real learning," by elizabeth foss.
and the sub title reads "education in the heart of the home."

GAH! home?!

does that mean what i think it is? am i that lady??

guess what?
i am.

this book reminded me that english class can be reading great books under a tree in the warm spring air. it reminded me that science can be touching anemone's at the ocean and planting in our garden together. i bet i would know how to explain photosynthesis better if i learned it while i sat in the dirt with the sunshine pouring down on me. it reminded me that i am this kinda lady. i am into this crazy stuff.

and beyond that... i really believe the education system is failing our kids. i believe kids need to learn at their own pace. i believe that children should be shown great art, great music and great literature. i want good stuff... great stuff... poured out on them everyday while they learn. these things are the heart of the schooling i want for my ones. and while, for many, that can be found in incredible schools all over the place... it looks like we fikes are going to try to find it here.

and maybe that's why i never got into thinking hard about schooling. maybe because the fire was waiting to be ignited here. through the wise words of a mother-author-teacher who reminded me that i will know what's best for my babes. and i will love them the very best, even when it comes to learning, because i am their momma. and who knows? maybe that will mean a change of plans down the road... i just gotta trust that the answers will keep coming to me. a future fail? maybe. a future success? maybe!

and so, as far as i can see, it looks like "homeschooler" is another tag you can add to the list. and if you think i am crazy for it, well then let's not forget i am also a homebirthing, unvaccinating, artist, catholic.
see? you already thought i was nuts.

meet the teach.


"education is the not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire"- w.b. yeats

free slave

two weeks back kirby's car broke down and i was forced home for the week as he took our van back and forth to work each day. i was a bit excited at first... like it was some funny experiment to see what we would do for the week, forced home. i mean, really, what would we do?


usually the week consists of flip-flopping between being home, going out, seeing friends, running errands, and (lately) me obsessing about developing some semblance of a routine, and not quite knowing how to find it.

for me, being a stay at home mom can feel a bit muddy at times. sometimes there are plans for the day, places to be and appointments to keep. other days are wide open... i wake up and instantly begin to think of the laundry list of "coulds" for the day- finishing those reading pillows for the girls room, finally cleaning the crusty stove, seeing a friend, weeding a patch of the garden, blowing off everything and spending the day at a museum. and, truthfully, this often times leads to me milling about or starting a job and stopping it to go to another. thinking always about what should be happening that maybe isn't and if the kids would be better off if we had done this thing instead. at 3 o'clock when i am finally brushing my teeth i look at myself and ask for the 3 billionth time, "what are you doing??"

i really believe that being here with them is the very best thing i could possibly be doing with my time... but it is daunting at times to think that all these things are in my hands... house, kids, meals, chickens. from the hours of 8 to 6 they are mine. and often i wonder if i am really doing what i should with all of it. especially when you look out from a mound of laundry at kids with saggy diapers and it's 4 o'clock and who knows what we are going to eat for dinner.

so back to the week where i had no car... we were stuck.
and do you know what happened when we got stuck?

we were happy. the laundry was done, the house was tidy, the meals were made, PEOPLE TOOK NAPS!, we spent time outside, we read together, we even took (get ready for it) a nature walk... collecting interesting things we discovered along they way and an hour while baby slept was spend identifying and sketching out our finds together. i was really doing it. i was on fire!


best of all, i was (mostly) a calm, soft spoken, listening, hearing, creative, thorough and understanding mama. why?

because
i
had
time.

no place to be, no rushing out the door, no frantic "WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES AND WHY IS YOUR DIAPER OFF???"
there were moments. moments where i felt the edge a'comin. but they did not grow strong and they did not take over.

i found freedom. mental, emotional, freedom in the middle of the stuckness that would drive many (even me, i thought) crazy.

and so goes another check on the list of ironies that is motherhood.
the happiest, most delightful week we have had in a long time was forced on us by the absence of a car.

when did cars become such big deals anyway?



homemaker, baby haver, meal maker, laundry doer, chicken feeder, kid kisser, hair brusher, story teller, walk taker, life lover. i am a free woman.

gaggles and gobs

i have three children. ages 3, 2 and 7 months. i get a lot of these from stranger's- "your brave!!" "you have your hands full!!" "i could never do that...," "now that you've got your boy, your 'done' right?" even the occasional, "you go, girl." (which makes me feel really awesome.)

i get the impression that people think this is really "hard."
and if i really want to freak them out i tell them that we don't. even. use. contraception....
no wonder.


what i always really want to say is... really? this seems hard? this is actually easy. i mean, crazy, yes. but it's easy. it is easy not to take a pill everyday to tell my body to not get pregnant, or at least to not stay pregnant. it is easy not to fish around for a condom. e v e r y t i m e y o u d o i t. ew.

i think that sounds hard. in fact, it wears me out just thinking about it.

be free, people. you will feel happier.


but beware, you might end up with gaggles and gobs of children like me.