Thursday, May 22, 2014

One Hot Mess, Vol. 4: Has phone, will sell.

Today's One Hot Mess is brought to you by my marriage.

And it's sort of a competition.

You tell me, which is more of a hot mess:

Today was the girls last class day at their little homeschool charter. I kinda had to hustle around due to having to bring a dish for their potluck and me never ever once being prepared to bring a dish anywhere that's not a bottle of wine. So, I dropped the girls off and ran off to check on Jenna's cats (she's in NY having a BALL) and then to Fresh and Easy to grab a "fruit or vegetable" for the potluck. But this morning just felt frazzely. I kept putting my keys and phone and Chapstick is weird places, switching from pockets to purse to Ergo baby carrier pouch, and I felt like my hair was always in my face and I was sort of in a continuous rush. I remember checking out at Fresh and Easy and seeing my phone on the register and having a conscious thought of "today could seriously be the day you lose this phone, keep track of it." And so, I put it in my pocket with my keys and the intention of getting my ish together and went to load everyone into the van and head to school with our almost expired on-sale fruit platter. But as soon I pulled out of the parking lot, my once heavy pocket felt suddenly light. I did a quick glance around for my phone but didn't see it anywhere in my immediate periphery. I had loaded the three littles in and leaned over the middle row to buckle up Johnny, so I figured it had either slipped out into some weird car crevasse or I had absent-mindedly stuck it into the baby's car seat or something and I would find it when we got to the school. But then we got to school and no finding. I couldn't find it anywhere! I used a friends phone to call Fresh and Easy (could I have possibly left it there even after I made such a conscience effort to not leave it there??) and they hadn't found it. Crap! It must be in an even deeper car crevasse, I figured, and we went about our potlucking. After we had eaten our fill of fruit salad and said goodbye to all the sweet teachers and not given them the thank-you cards and treats like we should have, I tore my car to shreds but still no phone. And I drove back to the grocery store and still no phone. I drove home thinking I would just have to re-tear the car apart when we got back and/or swallow the brutal truth that my phone had probably slipped out of my pocket in the parking lot while I leaned into the third row of our van for Johnny. And since no one had found it and returned it to the store, someone in desp. need of an iPhone or crack money via an iPhone sale definitely found it and


I asked St Anthony for a lot of assistance. I even asked if when we got home my phone could just be magically on the kitchen table and we would always marvel and tell the story of the miracle phone reappearance and that's why we named our next baby Anthony. Or Antonia.

But then we got home and the only thing on the kitchen table was crusty yogurt glops from breakfast.

And so I emailed Kirby who, at this point, I am sure, is out of his mind with worry bc I hadn't texted him in 3 hours. And then I checked Facebook and I have a message from my friend Noelle and it reads:

You know Kirby has your phone, right?

So then I go back to my email and "re: I lost my phone" says (direct quote)- "I have it. Some woman found it and called me."

Firstly, amen hallelujah. I apologize, humanity, for assuming first that you are the selling-phones-for-crack type and not kind and good citizens. You are. You really are. Faith restored!

But, here is where the competitionish part comes in...

Is it more of a hot mess that I lost my phone...

or that my husband had my lost phone in his possession and hadn't offered to communicate this life-saving information to me without a prompting email from yours truly and/or that his email was so devoid of necessary detail! Where did she find it? How did she know to call you? What was her name? How nice of her, did you thank her?? I'm sure you did but where did you meet up? What did she look like? What was she driving? Did she have kids with her? I wonder how long it took her to get ahold of you... I wonder if she called anyone else on my phone trying to get ahold of me! I bet she looked through my texts trying to figure out who to contact. Ha! That's funny. I wonder what she had bought at Fresh and Easy...

You know, stuff like that.

So, he wins, right? Wins as in he is more of a mess than me, right? It's ok, you can be honest, he only sometimes reads this blog and definitely never reads the comments.

(PS he is 100% of the time not a mess at all and is constantly, kindly putting up with my continuous chaos so let's just be honest.)

Hot messes all around and also, redemption. And also, St Anthony! And also, how dumb is it that losing a phone could be so consuming and semi life-ruining? Dumb!

Ok, your turn.
Link up your crazies. (If you've never done this it's super easy, just click on the "an InLinkz link-up" button right below and follow the instructions with your blog URL)


  1. HA!

    no email?? nothing!

    I'm so happy I didn't text you Bash's latest variety of his favorite word.

  2. not a word. The best was that I emailed him back with a million questions like "NO WAY!! She called you? Did she find it at f&e? What did she say when she called you? etc" and his reply was "yes."

  3. SO...does this mean you have to name the next child Anthony/Antonia or not? ;)

    What a relief that it was found!!

  4. Replies
    1. She texted my phone and Kirby responded!

    2. Hahaha I love that Noelle knew enough to tell you even before Kirby did. Your hot mess makes me feel better about mine; thank you :D

  5. Also, I love "Antonia" for a girl. Sayin'.

  6. I was shopping one evening. I only had 3 kids at the time but they were all little. We were at an Outlet Mall. I had just loaded the kids and the double stroller into the van. The mall was closing. Went to start the van... no keys. Checked everywhere in the car and could not find them. Unload the kids (Not the stroller) and start knocking on store doors. They think I want to shop so I have to yell through the door "Did you find any keys?!"... hang head in shame. No luck, tired arms. Why did I choose to carry the littlest one (and drag the middle one!?). Go back to the car wondering how we are going to get home. We only have 1 car. Yes, my husband is at home and has a set of keys... but he can't GET them to me. Crappity crap. Go back to the car and call my husband with my tail between my legs. Buckle the kids in. again. Open the trunk to check the stroller. There they were. Under the stroller in the van. I had the friggity frackin keys the entire time! I had to yell through umpteen doors asking if they found my keys and I HAD MY KEYS! Yeah, I was certainly a hot mess that day.


  7. Hahahaha "what did she look like" - yep ;) I wanted to link up this week, but I was such a hot mess that I totally forgot...I'll get you next time, my pretty...

  8. That's like 55% less magical than I was hoping BUT STILL RAD.

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