Editors note: The usual author of this blog is currently on a leave of absence to binge on sleep and egg mcmuffins. As a result, she asked me to guest post for an entire 30 days.
She will realize a) seemingly this was a bad idea and b) she'll need to take back control after this post.
Halloween is my second favorite holiday. It's not as good as Christmas but a little bit better than the 4th of J. Thanksgiving is clearly the worst because turkey isn't good (You disagree? Name one restaurant in L.A. that serves turkey). I enjoy Halloween because it’s funny. Everyone has a sense of humor on October 31st. Two years ago my father in law, Ken, was distributing candy on our front porch. An 8 year old asked him if he was dressed up like Albert Einstein (Ken was not dressed up other than his usual business casual self). We both looked at each other and the kid walked away.
This post is divided up into two sections: Stuff about Halloween that might be true and stuff about Halloween that is definitely true.
The soft whispers of candy corn (alt. Stuff that might be true about Halloween)
Thriller by Michael Jackson is THE Halloween song. I know this and you know this....man. I even asked this old guy in Starbucks other day what his favorite Halloween song was. He just looked at the ground, and then whispered, “Thriller”. Here’s my question: Was it written with the intent of it being a Halloween song? Did Quincy Jones and Michael Jackson realize there was NO Halloween song so they wrote it for this reason?
Is Candy Corn primarily made up of wax? A few years ago I heard one of the ingredients was wax. Never really looked into it and now I just assume it's true.
Harvest Festivals w/ Josh Harnett (alt. Stuff that is definitely true about Halloween)
1) Halloween H20 is a great movie.
This conversation happened last week:
Me: “we should watch Halloween H20 this week”
Blythe: “Yeah! We actually own it on VHS”
Me: “Really? VHS?”
Blythe: “Yes, we own a VHS movie.”
Halloween H20 was supposed to be the conclusion of the Halloween series. Basically, the premise of every Halloween movie is that Michael Myers comes back to life to kill a bunch a people, but in the end, he dies. One could compare this plotline to Blythe’s first trimesters, however, instead of Michael Myers killing people, its Blythe eating Egg Mcmuffins. Then, eventually her appetite for egg mcmuffins dies by the 2nd trimester.
Other good points about Halloween H20:
- Josh Harnett’s purposefully messy hair. Could one make the argument that Josh in H20 started the “messy prepster” vibe? It’s seemingly so. I certainly know many buzz bands were inspired by him.
- LL Cool J is in this movie. You guys! LL Cool J is in this freaking movie!
Sadly after all of this, we DIDN’T watch Halloween H20 last week. We were hanging with friends and all decided to watch Are You Afraid of the Dark reruns on YouTube. This was via a family member rumoring that every single episode is now on the internet. Gotta thank the YouTube user “ShelbyWooMysteries” for doing a lot of the grunt work for that. V chill, “ShelbyWooMysteries”.
2) "The human mind gets distracted."
I think that’s an Einstein or Abe Lincoln quote. Anyways, Halloween parties not involving children are hilarious to me. Not because older people dressing up is funny but because older people dress up and then forget they are dressed up...and that is funny. Here’s a breakdown of what happens at a Halloween party:
a) A grown up dresses up and enters said party. Everyone laughs at their costume and there are just a bunch of high fives and smiles.
b) Grown up grabs a beer and starts chatting with friends. Friends still laugh a little at friend’s costume.
c) Conversation has lasted for 10-15 minutes but has evolved. How’s the job going? Is your dad still sick? Bummer about the foreclosure…
Hey, this is a fairly normal at parties. Light banter moves into more serious talk.
The only difference is that you are dressed in a costume. You are having a serious conversation dressed as a clown or a spider or Batman.
3) Blythe actually was going to dress like a sexy Ronald Mcdonald this year but decided against it. After looking for inspiration, found this video, and it made here nauseous.
4) My Reddit usage sky rockets during this time of year because of this
5) Harvest festivals are superfluous.
One does not celebrate a harvest if one does not even think about a harvest the rest of the year. Here are the only conditions in which someone can attend a harvest festival over trick or treating:
a) One cares so much about the harvest that said person feels the need to celebrate it ie organize a festival
b) You live in the ghetto and houses distribute crack over candy
c) You live in a farming community and you will feel pressure from other farmers if you don’t attend
6) This has nothing to do with Halloween but check it out anyway.
What do u think abt Halloween? R your Halloween's v chill or more like lamester harvest festivals? Do u 'quit reading the internet' when un-chill husbands take over their wives 'mom blogs'?
Since I have 29 (sigh) days to go, what do you want to hear from me?