It's three weeks into the school year and I'm beginning to realize something... sending my kids to school has nothing to do with them. Or rather, sort of nothing to do with them. Of course there is the obvious- read, write, etc. but truthfully, they could do that here. Maybe at a slower pace or more shittily (I'll coin that word if it hasn't already been taken) but they would learn and be fine and turn out quite nicely.
That wasn't why we sent them in the first place. Life had just become overwhelming in moments and we knew we would all be better off with schooling off the back of moi. But yesterday, I sat in the grass with Joe in my lap and I watched Peter as he ran races across the yard, counting down his ready, set, go and letting him crash into us at the end of the line. It struck me for maybe the first time that the big kids being away at school was mostly for them.
I don't know what your big kids are like but they are, well, big. The are loud and rambunctious and dominating and when they are here the littles follow them around like puppies, soaking up their energy and copying them and getting caught in the crosshairs of their action. And that is a good, necessary part of our family life and I love it.
But I am realizing something I also love, and really cherish, are my quiet days at home with my 4 little ones. The housework is easier to maintain because the ones that can climb into pantries and unload an entire box of crackers are gone. Which leaves me with more time to do things like I did yesterday, without someone else asking me to watch them, or a fight needing to be resolved, or Johnny needing to be told not to do that.
From 3 o'clock on we are all back in that world and I'm tripping over babies in the kitchen as we work through homework and I chop veggies for dinner and we retell stories from the day. But from 8 am till then my house gets quiet. And little slapping feet are thumping along my floors and I can hear them. And I love that.
When the big kids come busting through the doors we are all missing them and ready for everything they've got. I'm finding myself feeling so relaxed in that pre-dinner evening time that used to feel like the one soul-sucking hour of my life. It's not the end of a long, hard day, it's just the end of the second half. And in the middle of that busy afternoon energy I feel just a little bit like Mary, holding the quiet treasures of our day in my heart.
Some people homeschool as a collective and do it well. I even know a few of them and I admire them like crazy. But I know what our homeschool days looked like and it had very little to do with my little ones. Don't you love when a decision for change results in a hidden gift? That's how I feel. I gained a hidden life that I had sort of forgotten was still possible for me. Those quiet days with a few little kids running in the yard. Those days when everyone napped and no one had chores and they were all happy to play in a bucket of water. I am so happy to have gotten that back. Even if it's just for a season. Even if it's just for now.
I very much relate to this!! Love!
ReplyDeleteI can relate. I put my older kids into school a year and a half ago (in January ��). I miss them but I'm loving the time with my two little ones. I feel like I never focused on them because the homeschool dat was so full.
ReplyDeleteThings are good like you said, but I still have days where I get sad about my older kids. I guess that is just the way tough decisions are! Bitter and sweet, even if they are the right decision!
Just entered our 2nd year homeschooling, but I loved reading this. Homeschooling will always be a year by year decision for us, and I'll be honest I'm already considering sending my older two to school next year...just so i can savor time with my little one more next year (and then I'll probably be pregnant too). ha!
ReplyDeleteIt's so true! Our years homeschooling where so great. It's just that the dynamic changes as the family grows. And now this is great, too.
DeleteThis is SO hard for me to read.
ReplyDeleteWe have to homeschool, our closest school is a 2 hour drive away. I plan on sending the children 1 day a week to regular school -it's the only chance they have to socialise with children outside of family each week. I truly believe that my eldest boy would thrive at school. Any tips for mums like me - who homeschool isn't even a choice? Don't get me wrong living in paradise on 17,000 acres in New Zealand is nothing to complain about but still...
Oh gosh that IS so hard. Living in Southern California, I can't even imagine that life. The only thing I can say is God still knows what you need, and on 17,000 acres in New Zealand is where he put you. I'm sure your kids will have amazing, inspiring memories of their childhood. And they have eachother!! The grass is always greener, right?;) A part of me envies that life, too. Forced home time, no where to go. I bet the days and slow and simple and that's a gift very few have.
DeleteYes!!! We put #s 1-5 in public school, #6 in half day preschool, and now, I'm mom again. Y house us slowly coming out if chaos. We really believe God brought us to the house we moved into so that we could make this decision in a better school district. I feel like God has been saying to me, "you're part of the film, too. How you're doing matters, too."
ReplyDeleteYes. Totally.
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ReplyDeleteI am really glad to read it and being able to share my thoughts on it. I want to use this opportunity to say that I really love this blog. It is an amazing resource of information for my working. Thank you so much.
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I feel this x 100 since we enrolled my oldest two at school. Now I'm home with my preschool age daughter and my newborn son. I'm treasuring this year in particular because my little girl will be school age next year and she us just heaps of wonderful and sweet - 3 is s great great age. It's such a confirmation that not homeschooling anymore has benefitted my sons who are in school, myself who was struggling to keep up, but also my littlest children.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet thing to share, thank you! One thing our family has been working on lately is solo dates. One parent, one kid, a whole lot of amazement. I feel like we mamas tend to feel like we love our whole family = we want our whole family around, but really sometimes it’s really precious to just be 100% present with one person. <3
ReplyDeleteYes! Similar feelings here. I keep having flashbacks to when my oldest 2 boys were babies now that I've just got 2 little boys at home during the day. I love being able to be that same sweet, game-playing mama to them. And we all get excited to see each other again when 3:30 rolls around- not a regular occurrence in our homeschool days ;)
ReplyDeleteAs a mom to 3, who are all in school, and still feeling totally overwhelmed, it's absolutely hilarious to me that hanging out with 4 babies is _relaxing_ to you. It just shows how it's all relative and how amazing you are!
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http://tracygrilli.blogspot.com.tr
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