All you need is love...

Today I found myself bumping along the worn gravel parking lot outside of a local K-mart. The boxed bassinet I had just purchased was filling the entirety of the child seat in my cart and Francis in his car seat filled the empty space behind it as we jostled and jumped along the old, cracked gravel towards our car. The day was hot and sunny and so I leaned around the big cardboard box to take a look at the baby- the package so large I couldn't even see him without craning my neck around the edge of it. He looked pretty unsettled as we bumped along. The street was more uneven than most and the cart was buzzing and humming with the sound of the metal on that pocked ground. I kept my eyes focused on him around the edge of the box as I pushed, cooing and shushing him as we rolled on towards the car. "We are almost there, baby, almost to the car, don't be sad..." over and over as I smiled reassuringly and kept his eyes on mine.

My first thought was, "This poor seventh baby..." always along for the ride with me, even in this hot, beat-up parking lot. He is such a good baby putting up with our crazy life- constantly awoken from naps and sitting in pee diapers way longer than any first child ever would... being nursed in the car, at the park, as I'm tying the shoe of a sibling, in the cold and in the heat.

And then I saw a bird's eye view of us in that moment as we bumped along with the cart and the box. That bassinet wasn't for Francis. He doesn't even have a bassinet. He has a moses basket on the floor next to our bed but he spends most of time on the bed, if I'm being honest. I've gotten used to that little perpetual drool stain on my sheets from all these babies over the years. And when we kick him out of our bed and the room he will move on to a little crib used by Clem, Pete and Joe before him, and from there to the run-down crib that Pete uses now. He will be the seventh baby to sleep in that crib if it doesn't fall apart by then.

The bassinet was for a baby released yesterday from a local NICU, for friends in a desperate emergency foster-to-adopt situation. You see there was a baby born, one month early. And while I bounced through the K-mart parking lot with his new bassinet in my cart, with my three-month old in his old, stained carseat, jostling along with me towards the car, I looked at my Francis and was overwhelmed with the awareness of how much I loved him. That he was loved. He was so deeply, deeply loved. Despite his hand-me-downs and his lack of stuff and his forever bouncing along with me as we bustle through the day, he has my love. And not only my love but Kirby's and his six siblings as well- not to mention our rich community of friends, his godparents, and his grandparents. In his home alone, he is deeply, intensely loved by 8 individuals. Who all want him... everyday. We all want him.

And he will have that, assuredly, for his entire life.

And then I thought of the baby for whom the empty bassinet was for. Born one month early and alone. God willing for not much longer but alone. And I was stunned in that moment at the frivolities of modern life. How silly and obsessive we can be over what we can or can't give our children. I've felt those feelings, too. Particularly at the start of my pregnancy with Francis. How can I give him what he needs with how much our life demands of me? With all the world tell us we've got to give? College tuition? After-school activities? Private school? Their own room? Toys? Clothes? Stuff??

Nothing.

In that moment in the parking lot under the sun, with that bassinet and my baby and his big blue eyes I realized that he has got it all. He's a king among babies. Because he is loved.

And, quite simply, that covers it.

All the superficialities that consume us as parents, all the demands we place on ourselves to give our kids "everything they need" or "everything they want"... it's all a fraud, wrought in our own consumption and insatiable thirst for more, better, more. It's conceived in the fear of our own failure and inability to love... again. It gestates in our obsession with cultural approval and wanting to avoid, at all costs, it's downward gaze at us and another one?! And the lie grows in us instead, and it takes up the space.

And more often than not, it keeps so many of us from the joy of giving our love away to another... to a new set of eyes to stare into in the K-mart parking lot, a new one to coo at and assure that the ride will be over soon, a new one to hold and to dress in hand-me-down clothes... and cribs... and things.

And, damn, are we missing out.

It's a reminder I need for myself- that despite all this there is love. There is always, always love.

And so we have it all.
And so we have all of it.

That one day one the porch

So back to when we saw my brother play at the Greek. Remember the part about staying up almost all night? Ok, yes, perfect. That's essentially what this whole post is about. Not the staying up all night part but the aftermath of staying up all night which was p much just as fun as the night itself. We had a collective 11 children in our home overnight with our 7 and some of our dearest, life long friend's 4. We had made a plan to leave all the kids with a sitter while we went to the show and then spend all day Saturday hanging and catching up. We don't get to catalog good hang time often so this was a little treasure for us both- to have the day free to do nothing while our kids spent time together. And our kids know how to spend time together. A mere 4 hours after we went to bed, I woke to thumping atop the roof and it took my groggy brain a good handful of minutes to realize it was children thumping atop the roof. Specifically my Johnny and Lindy's Titus who are (in their own words) bobblegangers.

Lindy and I can't get enough of how similar these two are. Mostly because she is my oldest friend and the only one I really grew up alongside. To see our kids so naturally be besties is the sweetest gift. The are poster children for hereditary friendships. These kids just go together, the same way the two of us did. And so we've come to accept that, naturally, Johnny and Titus equals a fair amount of nudity and mud and climbing roofs.

Anyway, it was one way to wake up (eyes rollin).

The funny and awesome thing about the day is that we were all sooo exhausted that we were completely unmotivated to do a damn thing. Which ended up leading to the best, strangest, funnest day we have ever clocked as a group because all we did was sit ALL DAY LONG. We honestly clocked 12 hours on our front porch and that is not an exaggeration. From about 8-8 we sat there, drinking coffee at first, then beer- listening to music, talking, laughing. It was incredible! Apart from hopping up to make food or change a diaper or put someone down for a nap we just sat in the same spot all day, until the sun went down. And meanwhile our kids just ran around doing whatever. I feel like things are often pretty Lord of the Flies-y around here but this day was off the charts. We would watch them roll past covered in mud and dragging lumber, then a hose would turn on somewhere in the distance, then they would be naked, then a little one would curl up in one of our laps for a bit, then they would send some representative to ask for popsicles, then a movie, and we just let them do it, over and over all day long until the sun went down. It was amazing.

Anyway, Lindy snapped a few shots of the kids in action and I thought you'd love them as much as we did. True kid tribe life (plus a few shots of the house/yard which might suffice for the house tour I keep promising and never delivering).

I realize that I might never feel the freedom (/be so tired that I just don't care) to have a day like this, locked in one location with friends while our children run wild from dawn till dusk, but I hope I do because the experience was golden. Try it.

Just a little something for your Thursday

Earlier today I was explaining to Clem that she'd be missing a fun visit from some friends of ours tomorrow because she's spending the night at my parent's house. I was trying to avoid her to get caught off guard at the last minute and wanting to change her plans, so I mentioned it to her today. She stopped to think about it for a moment and turned to look at me and said, "It's ok. Because sometimes peoples get left out and sometimes they doesn't."

Too true, baby girl.

Hope you're day is golden. Xo!

All that's busy makes you busy

I need to hit the life reset button. I was out in the yard earlier today thinking how much scheduling helps my life. The past few weeks have been such a flurry of busy. Awesome busy. But busy. We had Kirby's mom out to visit, then bought the van, then packed it up to head to Big Sur. We got home from Big Sur last Tuesday, recovered Wednesday and Thursday, had some of our best buds over Friday, went to see The Head and the Heart Friday night, stayed up almost all night, recovered all weekend and now it's now (and maybe, probably I'm still recovering). I just feel kinda overwhelmed with how behind I feel in life. I think things can so so so smooth when we've got absolutely nothing going on, and then we get busy and I'm like a little sand crab getting tossed around in the waves (what a bizarre analogy....) I finally went through my desk drawer yesterday and found my drivers license renewal and a medical bill all ready to be mailed but I'm out of stamps. And although both were probably due about two weeks ago, the thought of hauling up everyone for stamps feels like the stupidest thing ever. My laundry pile is smh and everything just feels 10 steps ahead of me. You feel me, right?

I took the time to go clip some roses this morning just to check one baby thing off my list and it hit me how nice planning things out is, even planning time to recover. I realized that if I had told myself "Hey, you have two weeks to catch up from all this" I would probably feel less anxious about getting caught up. I'm not sure why that is but I feel like it's a solid note to self. I have similar feelings about chill time. If I make a plan to chill, it always way more enjoyable than haphazard chill.

Anyways, these be my thoughts.

On a different but the same note, all the business has been so, so fun. Big Sur was the best and none of us wanted to leave. I think we've garnered some experience a few essential camp items that made our lives way easier (and thought I would note them bc a small many of you were like camping. with kids. and babies. what is wrong with you? etc.) A new staple was the travel bassinet which turned out to be such a nice, compact little nook for baby. Another were these little metal pop-up lanterns . We left one in each tent and had two available for easy use in the evening time (I mention each tent because the bigger kids all slept in their own this year... so nice). One thing we fail at every year is camp coffee accessories. The cold weather makes coffee get chilly in like ten seconds flat so I scooped up these babies from the REI end of season sale for next year. The very, very best kids sleeping bags are these flannel lined bags from L.L. Bean. The big three have had theirs for years and Clem graduated to one this year. If you can find them on sale, they are super well priced and worth it. The bags are sturdy and stay really warm. Our tall 9 year old will still be in hers for a few years, I bet, so the functionality for multiple ages is awesome. Also, and maybe most best, they are easy to stuff in their handled bags so all my kids can pack and carry their own. Bless. Our tent had two pack n' plays in it for Pete and Joe and along with the travel bassinet it looked like a freaking day care center. Bless.

We had also invested in a prep table this year which was so necessary for storing pots and pans and our stove instead of taking up picnic table space. Oh! and a clip on baby chair (we have this one). Every year we've had a baby spend 45% of their time in this thing while we throw snacks at them and I could not do without.

The trip is always so dreamy and such a perfect welcome for the fall season. Even though we come home to 96 degree weather and blasting Santa Ana winds we still feel ready for it.

The show on Friday was so, so, SO fun. They haven't toured in two years or so and as soon at they started their first song, it all came rushing back to me how much I love seeing them live. I was on my feet, singing and screaming like a psycho the entire time (much to Kirby's chagrin) and over-snapping like crazzzzzy. Afterwards we hung back stage and I happily accepted other people's offers of gin + tonic until late into the night. I left the baby for the first time and it was so. nice. (I also equally loved clocking major snuggle time the next day to make up for it). The cherry on top was, and always is, seeing my little brother crush it on stage, doing what he loves the best and doing it so well. I'm always overwhelmed with pride for him. He's the best. (If you get a chance to see them live, you've gotta. They are soooo good!! Tour schedule here.) The other cherry on top was that we accidentally wore matching outfits. Heyyyyy losers!

Love.

Okey doke, back to all that catchin' up and stuff. More Big Sur photo dumpin' soon!