Monday, November 7, 2016

13 monthers

Since we had two girls first I always imagined us a girl-dominant family. I'm still getting used to the idea that we are boy heavy. It feels strangely fresh and new even though we are seven kids deep. Here is our spacing break down in case any of you cared - Hero and Mary: 15 months,  Mary and Johnny: just under 2 years, Johnny and Clem: 22.5 months, Clem and Peter: 21 months, Peter and Joe: 19 months, Joe and Francis: 13 months.

So now, almost 10 years of parenting later, I find myself with three little dudes piled into a 2.5 year stretch. And with my most crowded kid spacing ever, as a tasty little cherry on top. So, how has the 13 month gap been? Fine, I say! I think it's mostly due to the holy trinity of parenting more kids which is 1. you just get better at it 2. you lower your standards 3. you lower your standards all the way.

For instance, after Hero was born, I woke her up a bazillion times a night to nurse and lost sleep watching her breathe just to make sure she'd stay alive. Now, I don't. I can carry around a newborn without even giving it a second thought. I bounce around when they need to be bounced and I stop supporting their heads when they don't need me to any longer and I don't even give this any conscience thought. More newborns to carry around has made me better at it and therefore 10,000 times less stressed out. And I just don't care anymore! You can find my baby wearing the same outfit for 4 days in a row or hanging around in weird locations while I get stuff done (chair, floor, etc), you can find my toddler chewing on some lint, I do not care. This not caring is another big, crazy heap of anxiety off my back. Parenting is much, much easier than it ever was, in a way. So, 13 months? Fine!

More complicated? In some ways, yes. Joe just decided to walk at an ambitious 16 months so life is certainly slower and a bit trickier. But I've also been refining my technique for almost 10 years so it's probably still not as tricky as it was. Take, for instance, going places. I just don't. Kirby mostly grocery shops, Target and Amazon now deliver my essentials, I get babysitters when I need them and that's that. I much prefer slow home days where we can all move at a non-frantic-mom pace which usually isn't the case when I'm putting people in and out of cars and carseats and shopping carts. NO THANKS. 

On the off-chance that I run an errand with the littles, I put Francis in a carrier, Joe in the cart and Pete piled under my purchases in the back of the cart where they tell you your kids can't sit. Clem sticks near by and we just cruise along looking like a bunch of maniacs, but it's not my preferred method. My preferred method is to leave my kids behind and fly solo as much as humanly possibly. Because a big part of lowering my standards has been lowering them for myself, and saying goodbye to that impossible picture of a mom who does all the things. I don't want to do all the things the most difficult way, I already do enough things! I think that concept was pretty hard to grasp but I'm grateful life got crazy enough to set my free of those bizarre do-it-all standards we heap on ourselves. And isn't that the irony? The crazier life gets, the more you let go of, the less stressed you are, and the more you enjoy yourself. That's the truth for me, anyway.

When people ask how I'm so relaxed I think my most honest answer is that I kept having kids. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also think personality type has aided our family flow in a big way. Those three little goofs are all turning out to be major, major sanguines. They laugh and smile and sleep and take bottles and mostly don't seem to care which way is up or down. Part of me wonders if this was God's little gift to me as a way to work it all out, us having these three boys so close. They torture each other but they take it. God bless dis mess.





40 comments:

  1. They are seriously going to be the best of friends! In the blink of an eye they will be entertaining each other with forts, games,etc and having the best childhood ever.

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    2. I really can't wait to watch their lives unfold together:)

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    3. Hello, I am Theresa Williams After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other Case.

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  2. I really appreciate your insights about not hauling the kids everywhere linked in part to appearing to "do" it all. Taking all my three to the store was okay before this fourth pregnancy but now I physically can't really do it. So I don't. And I'm okay with my limitations. As always, love your family, loveyour wisdom!

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    1. Doesn't it feel good to know your limitations? So freeing! Xoxo

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  3. I love everything about this post. Coincidentally, I do take my kids everywhere during the day but for the same reason you don't: because I literally do not care anymore. Staring at us? Someone screaming? Spilling shit out of the cart? do.not.care. Plus it burns time during the long post nap hours before daddy gets home, haha.

    Cheers to getting better and chiller then longer you mother!

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    1. Also, you got me dying laughing 😂

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    2. I seriously load my three into the car to go on "adventures" when I can't take the fightinf anymore/to kill time which I NEVER thought I would do. I can so see both sides to this!

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    3. I seriously load my three into the car to go on "adventures" when I can't take the fightinf anymore/to kill time which I NEVER thought I would do. I can so see both sides to this!

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  4. My last two babies are 19 months apart and that's what I keep saying! The key to being relaxed is just keep lowering those standards! The babies are happy and healthy, nothing else matters.

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  5. I am also in the we don't go anywhere camp. I could do it with my first 3, and then with 4 when the two older ones were at activities and I brought the younger two on errands. But 5 and 6, nope. Spacing has gotten closer and there's just too many small ones to keep tabs on these days. It's not worth it to me if I'm a big ball of stress at the end, and I've faced up to the fact that that is exactly what will happen without fail. So, errands are for flying solo, in the evening or when my mom comes over to babysit, God bless her. I have a really hard time shopping when distracted so I'm okay with this!

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    1. Me too! I just end up buying everything to keep people moving forward and being quiet 😬😂

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  6. YES! Girl, Danielle Bean had this quote in her book, Mom to Mom, Day to Day that I read when I think I had three kids and felt like I was drowning. It was something like, "I've been using the 'do what works for your family' method of parenting for many guilt free years now. Read the books, poll your friends but in the end leave out anything that doesn't work for you." Now I have five and I certainly still feel like I'm drowning some days, but yes! All of what you said. I rarely take all five out by myself to run errands or to the store because 1. It's not usually necessary 2. It's not usually fun. I did bring all five kids along to vote today, but I felt that was a worthy effort. Thanks for your honesty, I really appreciate it, especially as someone who's in the trenches.

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    1. I think taking your kids to vote is a worthy cause! 💪

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  7. They're so impossibly cute how are you ever supposed to stop having babies?? I'm wondering if #4 will be the one who breaks the camels back that is "try to get out of the house and do stuff everyday so your kids don't kill you/themselves with the claustrophobia that is sibling squabbling all morning long." Remains to be seen. PS I think I'm in love with Joe. Heartbreaker!!

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  8. I just have to say how much I love your blog, and especially this post. I am pregnant with #4 and it's always so nice to get a peek into another mom's life who has been there before.

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  9. Twins and 14 months later another babe...two more babies later, 5 total! Anyway, girl. You are an awesome inspiration. Makes me not so scared for baby number 6 if God so wills it.

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  10. Love love LOVE yo family, your chilled and devoted att and alos loving your frequent blogging! Can't wait to be a parent like you!

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  11. I guess it is personality, like you say, but I have six boys and one girl and the boys are just so much easier!!!!

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  12. Just last month the carryout service finally became available at my grocery store-- I shop for all of my groceries online, reserve a pickup time, then pull into a spot, call a number, and they come out and load my groceries for me. My life is changed!

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  14. LOL at all the sleep you lost with your first baby. I'm about to have my first in 2 months and I will probably just stare at him from sundown to sun up making sure he is still alive. I've accepted it.

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  15. Love this! I only have 3 but its so much easier with 3 than 1. I forget to feed them sometimes and its ok! The only problem is I love love going places, trips, park, store, movies etc. I want to try and slow it down.

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  17. Oh my goodness I really needed to hear this! I have waaay too many expectations of myself and I have three 3 and under. I also work on the weekends (at Masses - music) so I should really just give in and try not to do all the things mon-fri with the kids. You're right, it makes me a stressed out mess too trying to put kids in and out of carseats and carts! Walking to a park is one thing, but going shopping with everyone is just too much for my sanity and back! Thanks for being so candid. :) What do you do so you don't go crazy at home though? I have a newborn so don't exactly go anywhere alone yet, but maybe one day I'll get the random coffee shop break to myself. ;)

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  18. Again, another great post!! Love hearing about all the logistics of it all!

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  19. Love this whole post and will definitely refer back to it many times for inspiration to keep loooowering that standard lol!


    Now can I ask a totally unrelated question? Where is that beautiful rug from in the last two pics? I LOVE IT!

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  23. I think you've mentioned a couple times that your littlest ones are super easy sanguines, and that made me think, 'Well, mine is the complete opposite of that, whatever it is.' So I Googled and found the four (or possibly now, 5?) basic temperaments, and I think my littlest man is a melancholic, which must be why I shudder at the thought of having another one close in age. (It would have to be close in age, because if I wait much longer at MY age, I'm done.) Just wondering, do you use the term "sanguine" just because of your own working knowledge of those temperaments, or did you read a book that explains the temperaments and how they relate to babies?

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  24. Thank you for your miracle Doctor Osemu Okpamen

    This article is dedicated to the Doctor Osemu Okpamen. I have been married with my wife for 5 years and recently she broke up with me and it hurt me deeply when she told me to leave her alone and that she does not love me anymore when i was always faithful and honest to her. I tried all the ways to get her back buying her what she wants like i always did and she still left me heart broken and she even has a new boyfriend which destroyed me even more until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine spell Doctor called Osemu Okpamen. This man changed my life completely. I followed everything he told me to do and my wife came back begging for me back. I was stunned everything happened exactly like he told me. I had faith in everything he told me and everything was true. Also he was there every moment until i got my happiness back and he also provides spells that cures impotence, bareness, diseases such as HIV/AID E.T.C You can contact him via email at { Doctorokpamenspelltemple@yahoo.com } or visit his website http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com. He will help you in anything you need and quick to answer once you contact him or call me for more info +1 (914)-517-3229.

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  25. Hello,
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    http://tracygrilli.blogspot.com.tr

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  26. Hey!I was in a relationship for quite along time almost 7 years, he cheated with a girl almost 11 years younger than him I took him back because I love him so much. He promised me the world never to leave me never to let me go to make me happy and to make it up to me everyday. 7 weeks later he has broke up with me after a few arguments .. he told me he can’t do it that I’ve ruined everything I deserve it all I’ve treated him bad he gave up his job overseas but he only gave it a week afrer he quit. he has left me in bits and is 1 week later out with other girls please help I don’t know what to do he is telling me he will never ever get back its over and he will never give it a go I have begged and I don’t know why I don’t no why he has done this to me I feel so lifeless… one day in my office going through the internet i saw a post of a lady giving testimony on how she got her husband back,i also come across a blog site on how to reunite and get your ex back with a love spell it was really amazing to see this so i copy his email id on http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ i explain my situation to him and gave him all the details he requested from me, he give me 3 days assurance that my boyfriend will come back after the spell i was so overwal to hear that so i just keep calm and follow up his order coz i really love my boyfriend and want him back. on the third day after the spell as he promise me, my ex call me also show up in my office begging me to forgive him and accept him back with out no delay, i lift him up with a kiss and was so very happy to have him back all my happiness was from Dr happy he is indeed a true man a father and a god sent. plz contact Dr happy on his email id direct at happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

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