Monday, November 7, 2016

13 monthers

Since we had two girls first I always imagined us a girl-dominant family. I'm still getting used to the idea that we are boy heavy. It feels strangely fresh and new even though we are seven kids deep. Here is our spacing break down in case any of you cared - Hero and Mary: 15 months,  Mary and Johnny: just under 2 years, Johnny and Clem: 22.5 months, Clem and Peter: 21 months, Peter and Joe: 19 months, Joe and Francis: 13 months.

So now, almost 10 years of parenting later, I find myself with three little dudes piled into a 2.5 year stretch. And with my most crowded kid spacing ever, as a tasty little cherry on top. So, how has the 13 month gap been? Fine, I say! I think it's mostly due to the holy trinity of parenting more kids which is 1. you just get better at it 2. you lower your standards 3. you lower your standards all the way.

For instance, after Hero was born, I woke her up a bazillion times a night to nurse and lost sleep watching her breathe just to make sure she'd stay alive. Now, I don't. I can carry around a newborn without even giving it a second thought. I bounce around when they need to be bounced and I stop supporting their heads when they don't need me to any longer and I don't even give this any conscience thought. More newborns to carry around has made me better at it and therefore 10,000 times less stressed out. And I just don't care anymore! You can find my baby wearing the same outfit for 4 days in a row or hanging around in weird locations while I get stuff done (chair, floor, etc), you can find my toddler chewing on some lint, I do not care. This not caring is another big, crazy heap of anxiety off my back. Parenting is much, much easier than it ever was, in a way. So, 13 months? Fine!

More complicated? In some ways, yes. Joe just decided to walk at an ambitious 16 months so life is certainly slower and a bit trickier. But I've also been refining my technique for almost 10 years so it's probably still not as tricky as it was. Take, for instance, going places. I just don't. Kirby mostly grocery shops, Target and Amazon now deliver my essentials, I get babysitters when I need them and that's that. I much prefer slow home days where we can all move at a non-frantic-mom pace which usually isn't the case when I'm putting people in and out of cars and carseats and shopping carts. NO THANKS. 

On the off-chance that I run an errand with the littles, I put Francis in a carrier, Joe in the cart and Pete piled under my purchases in the back of the cart where they tell you your kids can't sit. Clem sticks near by and we just cruise along looking like a bunch of maniacs, but it's not my preferred method. My preferred method is to leave my kids behind and fly solo as much as humanly possibly. Because a big part of lowering my standards has been lowering them for myself, and saying goodbye to that impossible picture of a mom who does all the things. I don't want to do all the things the most difficult way, I already do enough things! I think that concept was pretty hard to grasp but I'm grateful life got crazy enough to set my free of those bizarre do-it-all standards we heap on ourselves. And isn't that the irony? The crazier life gets, the more you let go of, the less stressed you are, and the more you enjoy yourself. That's the truth for me, anyway.

When people ask how I'm so relaxed I think my most honest answer is that I kept having kids. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also think personality type has aided our family flow in a big way. Those three little goofs are all turning out to be major, major sanguines. They laugh and smile and sleep and take bottles and mostly don't seem to care which way is up or down. Part of me wonders if this was God's little gift to me as a way to work it all out, us having these three boys so close. They torture each other but they take it. God bless dis mess.





31 comments:

  1. They are seriously going to be the best of friends! In the blink of an eye they will be entertaining each other with forts, games,etc and having the best childhood ever.

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    2. I really can't wait to watch their lives unfold together:)

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  2. I really appreciate your insights about not hauling the kids everywhere linked in part to appearing to "do" it all. Taking all my three to the store was okay before this fourth pregnancy but now I physically can't really do it. So I don't. And I'm okay with my limitations. As always, love your family, loveyour wisdom!

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    1. Doesn't it feel good to know your limitations? So freeing! Xoxo

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  3. I love everything about this post. Coincidentally, I do take my kids everywhere during the day but for the same reason you don't: because I literally do not care anymore. Staring at us? Someone screaming? Spilling shit out of the cart? do.not.care. Plus it burns time during the long post nap hours before daddy gets home, haha.

    Cheers to getting better and chiller then longer you mother!

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    1. Also, you got me dying laughing 😂

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    2. I seriously load my three into the car to go on "adventures" when I can't take the fightinf anymore/to kill time which I NEVER thought I would do. I can so see both sides to this!

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    3. I seriously load my three into the car to go on "adventures" when I can't take the fightinf anymore/to kill time which I NEVER thought I would do. I can so see both sides to this!

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  4. My last two babies are 19 months apart and that's what I keep saying! The key to being relaxed is just keep lowering those standards! The babies are happy and healthy, nothing else matters.

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  5. I am also in the we don't go anywhere camp. I could do it with my first 3, and then with 4 when the two older ones were at activities and I brought the younger two on errands. But 5 and 6, nope. Spacing has gotten closer and there's just too many small ones to keep tabs on these days. It's not worth it to me if I'm a big ball of stress at the end, and I've faced up to the fact that that is exactly what will happen without fail. So, errands are for flying solo, in the evening or when my mom comes over to babysit, God bless her. I have a really hard time shopping when distracted so I'm okay with this!

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    1. Me too! I just end up buying everything to keep people moving forward and being quiet 😬😂

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  6. YES! Girl, Danielle Bean had this quote in her book, Mom to Mom, Day to Day that I read when I think I had three kids and felt like I was drowning. It was something like, "I've been using the 'do what works for your family' method of parenting for many guilt free years now. Read the books, poll your friends but in the end leave out anything that doesn't work for you." Now I have five and I certainly still feel like I'm drowning some days, but yes! All of what you said. I rarely take all five out by myself to run errands or to the store because 1. It's not usually necessary 2. It's not usually fun. I did bring all five kids along to vote today, but I felt that was a worthy effort. Thanks for your honesty, I really appreciate it, especially as someone who's in the trenches.

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    1. I think taking your kids to vote is a worthy cause! 💪

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  7. They're so impossibly cute how are you ever supposed to stop having babies?? I'm wondering if #4 will be the one who breaks the camels back that is "try to get out of the house and do stuff everyday so your kids don't kill you/themselves with the claustrophobia that is sibling squabbling all morning long." Remains to be seen. PS I think I'm in love with Joe. Heartbreaker!!

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  8. I just have to say how much I love your blog, and especially this post. I am pregnant with #4 and it's always so nice to get a peek into another mom's life who has been there before.

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  9. Love love LOVE yo family, your chilled and devoted att and alos loving your frequent blogging! Can't wait to be a parent like you!

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  10. I guess it is personality, like you say, but I have six boys and one girl and the boys are just so much easier!!!!

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  11. Just last month the carryout service finally became available at my grocery store-- I shop for all of my groceries online, reserve a pickup time, then pull into a spot, call a number, and they come out and load my groceries for me. My life is changed!

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  12. LOL at all the sleep you lost with your first baby. I'm about to have my first in 2 months and I will probably just stare at him from sundown to sun up making sure he is still alive. I've accepted it.

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  13. Love this! I only have 3 but its so much easier with 3 than 1. I forget to feed them sometimes and its ok! The only problem is I love love going places, trips, park, store, movies etc. I want to try and slow it down.

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  15. Oh my goodness I really needed to hear this! I have waaay too many expectations of myself and I have three 3 and under. I also work on the weekends (at Masses - music) so I should really just give in and try not to do all the things mon-fri with the kids. You're right, it makes me a stressed out mess too trying to put kids in and out of carseats and carts! Walking to a park is one thing, but going shopping with everyone is just too much for my sanity and back! Thanks for being so candid. :) What do you do so you don't go crazy at home though? I have a newborn so don't exactly go anywhere alone yet, but maybe one day I'll get the random coffee shop break to myself. ;)

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  16. Again, another great post!! Love hearing about all the logistics of it all!

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  17. Love this whole post and will definitely refer back to it many times for inspiration to keep loooowering that standard lol!


    Now can I ask a totally unrelated question? Where is that beautiful rug from in the last two pics? I LOVE IT!

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  20. I think you've mentioned a couple times that your littlest ones are super easy sanguines, and that made me think, 'Well, mine is the complete opposite of that, whatever it is.' So I Googled and found the four (or possibly now, 5?) basic temperaments, and I think my littlest man is a melancholic, which must be why I shudder at the thought of having another one close in age. (It would have to be close in age, because if I wait much longer at MY age, I'm done.) Just wondering, do you use the term "sanguine" just because of your own working knowledge of those temperaments, or did you read a book that explains the temperaments and how they relate to babies?

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