Yesterday, as if he could see into my soul, the priest I see regularly for confession asked if I was happy. The question was oddly unrelated to my confession so I knew it was what I needed to be asked. I told him I wasn't, and I told him I felt like shit (got a laugh out of us both). Grumpy, snappy, impatient, spiritually lazy... you know. He suggested that maybe my Lenten mortification should be to get more rest, as backwards as that sounds. He said if this were a conversation between monks maybe the advice would be sleep less... push yourself further, mortify. "That may be the answer for the monastery," he said, "but it isn't for the housewife."
The one in the middle of the world, with actual people depending on them, lovingly present and kind and all.
So, I say this to you- don't be like me! Don't get a bucket full of wisdom and go home and dump it out. Even if it is for the Bach (although I realize the challenge I was up against...) and maybe rethink your own version of sacrifice. I am realizing that it's maybe more sacrificial for me to peel myself off of the couch at 9:30 and go to bed when I know I should than it is to rise early. A good morning starts the night before, right? Right!
I'm hoping to re-gung-ho myself this afternoon because this just will not do. Anybody feel me?
On a more glass half-full note, you know what IS making me happy? This.
Last week our wisteria bloomed and it's absolutely breathtaking, despite all my sniveling. I wish you could all smell it through the screen.
I have been trying to spend as much time as possible outside lately which is... not hard. More and more lately have I been finding myself totally overcome with gratitude for our home and it's insane natural beauty. At night with the window open, the smell of the flowers just pours into our room. I am finding new moments all the time to fall in love with this place.
Annnnnd I can't believe I wasted a post on being tired!! Lol. Gosh, what am I complaining about? OPEN WINDOW, SMELL FLOWERS, GO TO BED. Can someone come kick me in the ass?
Thanks for letting me hash out my trivial dilemmas, guys.