Friday, September 18, 2015

My thoughts on GOMI

I trolled GOMI for the first time last night. I have to admit it was surprising. There are people talking about me on the internet. I suppose I always assumed that if you read this blog or if you follow me on IG you are a friend. I honestly didn't presume people followed me and went somewhere else with the info they collected and bagged on me or my kids. It's bizarre and makes me suddenly question who is friend or foe. It feels pretty gross.

The basics were: I am sad, I am clearly overwhelmed, my house is gross, my kids are "bedraggled" and overlooked, I'm doing some sponsored posts now so I'm sure to get fake any second and I'm dumb, etc. OH and Kirby is hot. HASHTAG TRUTH, BITCHES!! The thing is, for the most part, it was all so wrong. I showed Kirby and he busted up laughing at what had been said. It can be funny to us because it isn't a reflection of our lives. Yes, my kids are scraggly little monkeys, but I like them that way. I let them dress themselves as soon as they can get dressed but that's the way I want it. I want them to be kids as long as they can be. I want them to not care about what they look like to the world as long as they get to. If they spend half the day in a tree and show up for dinner with sticks on their hair and dirt under their nails, I think that's good. It won't always be that way. They slowly grow into their self-awareness and they will make adjustments. And I'll support them as they come to it. Hero brushes her hair twice a day, Mary still shrieks when I untangle her knots. It's ok though. They are cool, thoughtful people and the universe is lucky to have them. If you met them, you would know.

And we are happy. Happier, in fact, than when we just had one kid. It seems most of the craziness of life gets attributed to having many young kids. But the truth is life was way harder, and I was much more overwhelmed with one. I didn't know what I was doing. I felt alone. I have learned to laugh about life as a mother of 6. I have learned to roll with punches. I have learned to hire a babysitter and go on dates with Kirby and not rapid fire text all night to see if everyone is ok. I have learned to chuckle at my kids and not have conniption fits when they do normal kid stuff. I am very much not alone. I have met some of my best friends in the past 8 years and they are all around me. I am a happier woman now.

The thing is you could run into us on an off day in Trader Joe's and think we are insane. In fact, I'm sure there is always someone that does. Maybe they go home and talk to their friends about this crazy exhausted mom they saw with her "feral hipster children" (I liked that, actually) and they'd probably be right. Maybe it was a shitty day. We all have them, you know? But it wouldn't reflect the whole of our lives or our home. It would just be a window. Kinda like this blog. It's just a window.

I actually thought one commenter in particular was really funny. She is quick and witty. She says she lives near me, too. Maybe we will run into each other someday. It would be awkward but also kind of awesome. Maybe she would realize my eyebrows are terribly unkempt, but my six kids didn't do that to me. I'm didn't pluck them then and I don't pluck them now.

Anyway, I'm ok with it. You can keep on, GOMI. I'm not going to tell you you're a meanie and you suck. Maybe I'll troll from time to time, maybe I won't. But we are ok over here, despite the dirty baseboards and my messy desk. Tonight I'm gonna put my feet up with my babe of a husband and we are gonna laugh about our day and I'll tell him weird stuff the kids did and we will go to bed happy. Even if there are dishes in the sink. It's just life, homie. It's not that scary.



82 comments:

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    1. ha sorry! I just linked. It's a online forum where people go to trash bloggers, essentially.

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  2. My two takeaways from this post: 1. I love your relaxed approach to life & criticism. 2. How am I not following you on Instagram? Must remedy that.

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  3. Oh I love this, I'm constantly reminding my friends that life isn't all pretty instagram subway tiled kitchens. It's just what they want you to see. I choose your blog one hundred times over. And from the window I'm looking through, you raise beautiful children.

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  4. Werk. "Bedraggled". Hm! Good use of vocabulary. Really, I mean it. That's a fun word.

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  5. Love this! Your REAL blog, Instagram and snapchat make me feel like a normal parent in this "filtered" life we seem to live in now. Keep on doing what you're doing. This mom over here appreciates it!

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  6. Oy, I wish I never heard of GOMI. That just makes me feel sad and a little defeated. In any case, love your blog, Instagram (+TheHaul, heart emoticons all over the place!), and just the whole kit and caboodle really. Your obvious joy in you family gives me courage for our growing brood!

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  7. Had no idea what GOMI was and just went down a 20 minute wormhole. Honestly, I can't believe people have the time and energy to read a blog and then go somewhere else to post shit about it. I feel really sad for them. You keep on keepin' on with your "feral hipster children" (totally love that). You are a role model of a cool mama to those of us with only 3 babes so far. ;)

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  8. I'm pretty sure for every one hater there are 100 people loving your writing and drawing support and inspiration from your online presence. Unfortunately the force of the hater is much stronger in our memories and to our emotions. But do remember the crazy vast majority of those that read you wish only the best of blessings on your head.

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  9. Love your posts - so true that children bring joy into our lives - a message that needs to be heard more in our culture, I had all three home today and it was great! Your blog rocks and is cool!!

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  10. Glad you have the thick skin to keep out the bad vibes of Internet meanies.. And as you say everyone only sees a window of our parenting.. Some days I make it out the door barely dressed with big sunglasses and somebody threw one of their shoes out the window.. (Am I the only one who has children that throw shoes out the window because it's a really expensive habit!) .. And some days we all look like hot messes no matter how many kids... We'd all be a lot happier if we were more merciful with each other! You just keep blogging!!

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  12. I'm sorry you read that. I have a hate thread about my blog, a sewing blog of all things, and it seriously bummed me out for days to read the thread... it almost made me quit blogging. It certainly is an eye opener to know there are people who "hate read" blogs and snark about it. But just soldier on. You are wonderful and I love what you do! Just be you, girl!

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  13. I had no idea GOMI was a thing.....maybe I live under a nice little rock....but wow. I'm wondering where all those people find time in the day to read blogs and then go to a second website to critique said blogs?! I need a new career besides SAHM! ;-)

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  14. First time hearing about GOMI too. Yuck. And how do they find the time? More importantly, WHY do they find the time?!!! I love reading your posts. BIG fan over here of you and your beautiful family, hair brushed or not.

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  15. The knowledge of that site makes me sad. Your blog makes me happy. Keep it 💯

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  16. GOMI = trash. Blythe Fike= gemstone.

    P.S. Is there a GOMI feed for GOMI?

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  17. GOMI = trash. Blythe Fike= gemstone.

    P.S. Is there a GOMI feed for GOMI?

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  18. Wow. How terrible must it be to have a life so pathetic that it involves seeking out people online simply so you can 'hate' on them on another blog?

    It's hard not to form opinions about people you see or know (Christian opinions or not), but how much self loathing must you have to be someone who actively chooses to follow someone around electronically so you can mock them in your own little place?

    As for if you meet someone in person: http://imgur.com/gallery/o6EwI0h (careful with Imgur - you may never return if you go there)


    I do admit that my wife is pretty self-conscious about how the kids look when we go out with all six of them. She realizes that we're a spectacle (even in our highly Catholic area), and people likely generalize about what big families are like when they see us. As an advocate for big families, she doesn't want to appear overwhelmed or that things are out of control. This is her own bias, and I don't always agree, but it makes her feel like she's doing something positive for people's opinion of big families.

    We do make a humorous sight all piling out of the clown car, I mean, minivan.

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  19. I love this post! So glad you are not allowing GOMIers to affect you negatively.

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  20. Going to be honest I love your blog becaus it's real. Those haters are cray cray and I'm so glad that you know how to let it roll of your back. People need to stop judging and start to support each other. You are Ana amazing mom who is letting her children grow up and dress themselves. We all aren't perfect but you are doing a great job raising them.

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  21. Word. A friend let me know when my blog started getting mentioned on there and eventually I posted just to try to clear up some misconceptions but I haven't been on since - it started making me so critical of OTHER bloggers because I was reading so much criticism, and I didn't like how it changed my thought patterns! I'm with you that some of the commenters really are funny, and I think some of their criticisms are legit, it just seems so gossipy!

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    1. So I found GOMI, read some, and now want to scrub out the inside of my head. There are some witty, clever gals but it's like they are using their critical powers for Eeevil. ( I'd love to read a version of GOMI that had all the cleverness but none of the "Eww, her floor is so dirty!/hair lanky blah blah eeevil) I'm so tempted to start my own forum thread on GOMI with the subject being all of the regulars posters. We could all critique their critiques. Ahh, but where would it end? Such a nasty vortex of snarkiness. Like you said, Rosie, it's a way of thinking. I was so impressed that you actually waded in and posted on GOMI. Gutsy! and you were really civil and magnaminous. It's so easy to hate folk from a distance and there is nothing more powerful then wading up to your enemy and going "HI! I'm that person you said rude stuff about. Let's chat." And I loved that a GOMI-regular said shortly after your completely decent post "I'm not so keen on bloggers posting here". Nothing like a real-life blogger to kinda wreck that echoey bathroom gossip session vibe. Anyhow, power to you both. Nastiness always has it's own story but I think you've both dealt with it beautifully, in your own ways. i.e. Sweetness and gentleness, and HASHTAG BITCHES!

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  22. I love, love, love this post (and you blog).

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  23. I think it is terribly sad and pathetic that something like this even exists. I feel sorry for those people. I love your blog! They don't have to love it, but they don't need to be all pick-a-little talk-a-little about it, either. The internets really bring out the worst in people.

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  24. You're so awesome, Blythe. I don't know why or how people waste their times hating people online, but if they had a couple more kids it would really help with that!

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  25. I like you so much! Even more after this post. I wish I could meet you in real life! Love and blessing to you and your awesome kids!

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  26. Since there are stranger hating on you in the Internet, I'm just gonna be a stranger sending love over the Internet. I freaking love your blog/insta and especially posts about your feral hipster children. Heart eyed emojis forever. Keep doing what you do, please don't ever stop or my blog roll will get so boring/sad.

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  27. Blythe! That thread. I find it pretty hilarious...in a frightening and sad Donald Trump running for president sort of way.

    Fav parts:
    1) Grace doesn't talk about Jesus so she can be friends with Aspiring Kennedy.
    2) "I actually like that Kendra gives exactly zero f***s about what people think of her quirks."

    Gold.

    I don't know if you've been back to it since you posted this, but you totally softened some hearts with it...which is kind of a shame because the thread may become MUCH less entertaining if GOMI groupies actually start liking the fundie catholics.

    p.s. now Jacob is aspiring to raise feral hipster children

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  28. Wow. I couldn't even find the thread but those girls need, I don't know, a hobby or a freaking chill pill. PS, who said it was their internet?

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  29. I'm pretty sure 99.9 percent adore you and your blog. Your family is so beautiful, and you inspire all of us so much! There are always gonna be a few haters everywhere but they just need to be ignored. ��

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  30. That was a heart up there. Don't know why they came up as question marks. Haha

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  31. Great response.
    But so so so so important to realize there are a ton of strangers that read all the blogs, know kids names, think certain things about your kids.

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  32. Well said. You're a great mom and blogger. Have fun laughing it up with hot Kirby!

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  33. I love your blog and Instagram. You are refreshing in this overly filtered, seemingly perfect lives many bloggers pose. I just picked up For the Love by Jen Hatmaker, who discusses the world of impossible standards we live in. I needed this book after getting stuck in a rut of feeling like I was falling short in every aspect of my life comparing myself to some of the blogs/instagrams I follow. Anyway, thank you for sharing bits of your life in honesty.

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  34. I never comment on any blogs but like a previous poster said, I would like to send some anonymous internet love. I love your blog. You are smart and inspiring. It looks to me like you have an amazingly beautiful family and I am so glad there are people like you on the world. I love the varied faces of Catholicism that I see on the internet. I am sure you and and other cool Catholic bloggers have brought many people closer to God. Thank you!

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  35. It looks like camp Patton has suddenly made her blog & IG private. Was it because of this gomi thing? I've been reading her for years but I don't follow blogs IG just click on them every few days.

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    1. Really bummed about Camp Patton too.

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    2. Triple that. I started following Blythe because of Camp Patton. If GOMI made Grace go away I am going to lose it.

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    3. I'm bummed too! Come back Grace!

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    4. So missing Camp Patton. Catholic mommy blogs literally changed my life!

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    5. I'm so sad about Grace! I, too, will be so mad if she left for that reason. She is hysterically funny, has ADORABLE children, and they are a wonderul family. I have lost other favorite bloggers for that reason. But I do understand. I have thin skin, too ;(

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    6. I think we need a Camp Patton loss support group. And you are awesome, Blythe. I am with those who literally had never heard of this GOMI business until your post and I'm not even going to click the link because it sounds awful.

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  36. F*** yeah. We'll keep our wonderful lives, bushy eyebrows and all. Their loss.

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  37. I love your outlook on childhood and parenting. I look up to you in so many ways. Thank you for showing us the love of having six kids as well as the mess and crazy of it all. I don't understand Internet trolls but I do know they are missing the big picture.

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  38. Ugh. Please stay off GOMI. It's like the worst of all middle school girls gossiping in the bathroom together. ew ew ew. Love your blogging, your bedraggled children and messy house. Haters gonna... you know.

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  39. I think you and your bedraggled children are awesome! I loooove your snapchat because it is so real and makes me feel better about my own crazy brood.

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  40. Soooo... did you know there is some evidence now to support your reality that larger families are happier? well there is. Study isn't published yet and is widely being misquoted in the press, but I am talking with the author/researcher and am going to write about it soon. I just love that you mentioned that specifically! I know we don't need scientific evidence because it is our daily living fact, but it is nice when science once again backs us up!

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  41. Please don't stop blogging. I love your blog.

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  42. Ok, all I can say is that I am nauseous after reading those threads. It's like all the sadness and emptiness of this culture rolled up into one looooooooooooooong comment string.

    “Our Lord delights in large families, more necessary today than ever.... Each one of you is confronted with a marvelous task. Ask God to bless you with a crown of children, in order to raise them as good sons and daughters of God.”
    Bl. Alvaro

    This is what's it's all about, nothing else. I just need to pray for these women.

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  43. Don't know if I've ever commented, Blythe, so I fall into that category of one of the silent, invisible readers who you question "Friend or foe?" but just going to say GOMI makes my skin crawl, but I love popping over to read your blog or check up on your IG from time to time. I'm tried to distance myself from the blog world over the past year or so just because I started feeling vulnerable and I don't have a thick skin. Anyway, I hope bloggers like you keep on blogging because it keeps the interwebs a far happier place. Lord help us if the GOMI's ever take over!

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  44. I have never commented on your blog before, but I have been reading for a while. I discovered GOMI a few months ago and out of morbid curiosity I looked to see if the blogs (mostly Catholic) that I follow were mentioned, which is when I discovered that thread. I prayed that you and others wouldn't know about it because it is so personal in its meanness and also because it is like the perfect encapsulation of all of the worst thoughts that the secular world has about Catholicism, and it made me very sad to read that people really truly do think that way. As knowledge of that thread has undoubtedly rippled out to Catholic blog circles, I really wish it hadn't, but I am also super impressed with your response, which is very generous and rightly doesn't take that nonsense seriously. I just wanted to comment that all of the goodness that you and other Catholic bloggers put into the world dwarfs everything that has been said there, and that for every person reading that thread there are surely countless more who have read your blog and others and been uplifted by the beauty that you share with us!

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  45. Blythe, You are awesome, You are a good mother , You are loved. I don't know what GOMI is but I think you never ever need to go back there again. I am really Bummed about Camp Paton.

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    1. What is up with Camp Patton? I thought it was just something with my wonky computer??

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    2. I just realized her blog is private now! So sad... I loved reading her posts.

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    3. I know it! So sad! I'm hoping that her family is safe and healthy- and I'm sure she has a good reason for privatizing everything. I'm praying for her.

      I just found out about GOMI... ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. I'm not sure how someone could make a living bashing other people like that. It seems that if you post happy things, you're fake and ridiculous, and if you post honest hard-felt difficult things, you're attention seeking and dramatic. Ridiculous. Forget the haters, and know that most people give you the benefit of the doubt.

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  46. Ugh. GOMI. Just, ugh.

    After figuring out what the heck GOMI was, and realizing what it was for, I realized that I really should be lifting up the bloggers I read more often - both through comments and in prayer. I want you (and all the other Catholic blogging ladies) to know how appreciative I am that you put yourselves and your families out there to evangelize and offer support to your readers.

    Catholic mom blogs (including yours) have literally changed my life - helping me see a vision of joyful Catholic families living according to the Church's teaching that I hadn't found in my parish. The impact you ladies have had on my family and my parenting has been profound. I understand you need to do what's best for your families, and that may change over time, but I will always be appreciative of your hospitality in inviting me (as a reader) into your corner of the world!

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  47. You do you Blythe and just keep rocking it! I admire you and your family and aspire to embrace life and motherhood with such grace as you! I hope my kids are rolling around outside and having a ball, unburdened by what others think. Love your blog, love your writing, and love your family!

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  48. Ugh, GOMI is one of those sites that makes me lose faith in humanity. I will never understand people who get so much joy in bashing other people... people they don't even know. If you don't like someone than move on. I hate the lack of tolerance in the world.

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  50. I'm so glad you wrote this. As someone who has quietly been following your blog (read: life) for the past two years (creepy?), I recently started following you on snapchat too and saw your snaps reading GOMI. I looked it up confused (does that make me creepier than those people writing on it? lolol) and I was really disturbed and the whole thing made me feel weird. How miserable are those peoples' life- like how do people get off on negatively twisting things to hurt other people? Especially about your blog which is so inspiring and helps so many people. It so sad. Anyways, I'm glad you wrote this and addressed it because its just another genuine example of how awesome you, your blog, and family are. Your ability to be so honest and not give a flying f is SO refreshing and your happiness is never doubted! So go you and your bedraggled hipster kids and hot hub !!! And lets pray for those odd and miserable wretches out there

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  51. I only heard about GOMI through your post. Clearly I'm with it. But honestly I try to just use the internet for things that make me and my family happy or educate us. SO I checked it out and its obviously one of the bad things that this wonderful internet has cranked out. But even though that stuff hurts those people will find the bad in anything.
    I found your blog through Grace (Camp Patton RIP) but honestly you two are great and have been such an inspiration to me though this crazy hard amazing motherhood thing I've been doing. I currently have 4 kids, among my friends with 1 or 2 who are sometimes annoying about my "huge" family and my mom died 4 years ago and wow I need to pull it together but I am happy that I get to read about your journey and realize that it is kind of like mine and it is awesome! Even reading above I love how you owned your life, that is what I really and truly love about you and your writing! So thanks a million and please don't disappear, unless you really need to.

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  52. Haters gonna hate. I agree, feral hipster children is a keeper phrase, lol!

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  53. Wait, why is this even a thing?? I'm not saying you've gotta love everything you read but just move on. Why the need to play mean girls? Ugh. Anyway, I love you, Blythe. You're gorgeous inside and out and your kids are adorable. xoxo

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  54. Even in the days before blogs when it was just forums and threads there were dark sites that just made fun of forum users. Being rude and nasty is sadly an age old thing.

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  55. De-lurking to say that you're lovely (and a badass) and your troop of scraggly little monkeys is adorable. I would say don't let the trolls get you down, but clearly you're way ahead of me there. :)

    Heather

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  56. Haaaaa Kirby reading GOMI and cracking up has to be my favorite snapchat of all time. You guys rock. Lots of love from all my bloody feral bedraggled children to yours.

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  57. Agreed. Not that scary :) great words Blythe. Thank you speaking the truth.

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  58. Hi Blythe! I find it almost ironic that this is the very first post I've read of yours. I don't know what your hot hubby looks like (but I believe you that he is lol), I'd never heard of GOMI, and I didn't know you just had a baby+your mom was sick (prayers for your whole family). You write so well and I already admire you. With that being said, hi. I'm new here.

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  59. i found gomi once when i googled for another blog. i read briefly and decided the gomi commenters seemed sad and empty. i guess tearing someone else down makes them feel better about themselves? i don't know why you would spend time reading blogs you don't seem to enjoy.

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  60. Well done, Blyth. :) I admire your thick skin.

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  61. HA! Love this, yup, especially loved "feral hipster children" One day we will meet, my rag a muffined-nonscrubbed kids, yours and Hopie's will get together to plan our over populating of the world.

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  63. i was looking for something else on your site and stumbled upon this post.
    i discovered GOMI a few years ago (i'm a big fan of dooce.com and her site is alllll over gomi) and the night i read it i couldn't sleep because i was so upset.
    i love your response to finding a thread about your site. i'm so so so very encouraged by your blog, your kids, and your outlook on family. thanks for sharing!

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