remembering

this photo says it all. it was 1:04 in the morning. we had been at it for over a day. i was so tired. i was so elated. i had been pushing for a really long time and my eyes were almost swollen shut so i could barely see her. it was almost comical. i remember closing my eyes tight then opening them and trying to memorize as much as possible because i couldn't keep them open for more than a few seconds, and everything was blurry. i remember feeling soooo good. it's amazing that after so long of feeling really bad, in an instant, you feel more amazing than you ever have in your whole life. i was so tired i couldn't even cry right. i remember just making crying sounds but i didn't really move my face at all. i must of looked like a total lunatic. i remember how amazing that moment was, seeing my baby for the first time, realizing how great God is and what a miracle life is. what a miracle that i was living and participating in this incredible thing. i remembering being so in love with kirby and feeling so attached to him. i remember eating carrots with ranch right after i got out of the tub and feeling like it was the greatest thing i had ever tasted. i felt so alive yet completely exhausted beyond my capacity. i remember feeling like my life had started. i remember the room bring dark and warm. i remember her being soft and slippery and tiny. i remember feeling powerful and amazed. that's what i remember.

2

on tuesday, my baby girl turned two. i am totally amazed at how completely true all the parenting cliche's are. particularly the ones about time going by so fast. two years ago, i was pretty much the same, at least physically. two years ago she was brand new. she was breathing oxygen for the first time. her head was squished and swollen. she had just met the people she would spend the rest of her life calling her family. we spent the day recovering together and discovering each other. and then i watched her begin to grow... and grow... and grow. and now, such a short time later, she is a walking, talking, icing licking, hilarious, wonderful two year old. in the time since she came into our universe, we have seen our family grow into four... and we have felt that huge love expand and expand. and now we are here... watching her sparkely eyed and beautiful. my hero.

wonderful, wonderful.

please go here to see the first beautiful shots of my not-by-blood-but-by-love-niece-or-nephew.
i love that baby so much!

a new thing

in light of today's inauguration, i want to post this add a friend sent to me. i think it's a really beautiful way to dose this new administration with hope and prayers that a pro-life leaf will turn, someday. really effective and well done.

see it here.

correction!

jen is right. epiphany is on the 6th of january. i was thinking about the 12 days of christmas and so i said it was the 12th, but it ain't.

c+m+b

so, celebrating the epiphany rounded off our holiday festivities. we lit the advent candles one last time, moved our three wise men in front of baby Jesus on the mantle, made crowns to wear during dinner , and did a special house blessing for 09 by writing the initials of the three wise men over our door in chalk. we found some really beautiful prayers to say as a family and sufjan's christmas album sung to us as we celebrated and got ready to say goodbye to the season and jump into the new year... 6 days later.

little king blows out the advent candles for the last time

king 2, looking enthusiastic about crown-wearing

and the star that led them...

our asian-inspired meal... they came from the east, after all

we took in the last days of a christmasy fike house

and put the wise men where they belong...

jesse tree

this season i really tried to celebrate the old fashioned way. i was really inspired by this book.
maria von trapp (sound of music? that's the one.) writes all about how christian holidays were celebrated in the "old country"...which is, i guess, switzerland. her perspective was so fresh for me. apparently how people used to do it was instead of starting christmas celebrations the day after thanksgiving, they celebrated advent... it was a time of preparation, mental and spiritual, for the coming of Christ. so, like a mini-lent, you would fast and pray and slowly build up the anticipation for christmas. then, when Christmas came, it was a full blown feast and a huge party that lasted until the epiphany, which is jan 12, when we celebrate when the three wise men came to see baby Jesus. i always hated how burnt out i felt on christmas by the time christmas came. and i always got frustrated at how infrequently i made the spiritual connection of what christmas was all about. so i decided to give it a shot this year in hopes of keep our spirits bright for the whole season.

one way we celebrated advent was by making a jesse tree. with the help of this amazing resource, we learned all about how to make and assemble our tree. the jesse tree is meant to replace your christmas tree for the first few weeks of advent... it's barren and dry and day by day you add life to the tree by placing an ornament on a branch that symbolizes the story of salvation, starting with creation, ending with the birth of Jesus and the symbols of His glory, right up until the eve of Christmas eve. every ornament has a scripture reading, so every night we gathered around our little stick tree, put up an ornament and read the passages. this was such an awesome way to reconnect to the Story, to be reminded of the great plan the Father had for us, and to see His coming, little by little, through the whole story of scripture. also, we did feel really connected to the true purpose of the holiday, and the anticipation did build. it was really great and i am excited to continue to make this a fike family tradition from now on.

also, the stick tree part is significant because when you fill up your jesse tree, you replace it with your christmas tree. instead of a dry branch, sort of thirsting for Christ, the tree is full of life and is evergreen, symbolizing His gift of life to us. symbols everywhere... i love it.

we also kept an advent wreath that we lit every night before dinner. this was really special, too. there are lots of great prayers you can find for each week of advent, all emphasising Christ's coming and helping us to anticipate it.

so anyway, here is our awesome little tree.

the me now

2009 is bringing a new me to the table. i have been thinking alot about the ways i want to change and the me i want to be now. i have a few resolutions and thoughts running through my head... these are them.

1. organization... i want to be a filer. not just document filing... no, no... the filing of all things. i want the items in my home to have a home. most importantly, i want to become more savvy when it comes to filing things electronically. with the help of vimeo and flickr, i plan to keep our photos and videos filed and compiled and available for blog updating. which i hope to get better at, too.

2 & 3. simplifying and creating... i have had a super strong urge to become more industrious in our home lately. i got a degree so that i could understand how to paint and create, but i never successfully bridged the art gap once i started having babies and started to find myself incapable of building canvases and having space for a studio. for the past two years i have felt like a quitter. someone who cannot start a project because i am afraid of not finishing. telling myself that that season of my life is over, at least for now. i never realized that my creativity could be re channeled and that what i accomplish in our home and for our family would be even more satisfying than anything i ever did before. even though it will never be on a gallery wall. all the while i find myself internalizing more and more. loving being at home. loving being a mom. especially now that hero is a toddler, i really have to live my life based on her needs, and in a bigger way than before. when she was a baby, the park wasn't as important to me as going somewhere i wanted to go... now there is a world opening up to her and i get to show it to her. suddenly watching food network or going to shop for clothes just doesn't work anymore.

i have been falling more in love with my life as i settle into the understanding that this is my life. stay at home mommy hood. that means relinquishing all of the things i thought i wanted to do with my time and investing in the things i know i want to to with my time. baking, making, exploring, reading, teaching, cooking, learning...simplifying my world.

so in connecting my creative loves to these things, i have great aspirations of sewing more and diving deeper into my two new crafty abilities (shaky abilities, but abilities none the less)... knitting and embroidery. inspired by these two awesome books i got for christmas, the itty-bitty nursery and doodle stitching. highly recommended for all those interested...

this brings me to a more technical resolution for 2009.
4. opening an etsy shop.

not anytime soon... but i will craft with a purpose and when there is enough great stuff to put in a shop, then i will put it in a shop. i will keep you posted on this.

along with my books, and my family, this woman has been helping me feel inspired and capable of these things. other than making me want to live in a place with snow, or at least seasons, she reminds me that life in the home can be slow and simple and full of amazing accomplishments.

so keep checking in and i will keep you posted.

mark lamberth

for those of you who have been checking the blog on mark's progress... and for those of you who haven't... please pray for the lamberth's right now. yesterday doctor' discovered a hemorrhage in mark's brain, last night his brain was bleeding, today his heart is slowing down.

after almost a month of hopefulness that a miracle of some sort was within reach, mark is dying right now. please pray for his wife, angie... for courage and peace and hope. please pray for their son, nolan. please pray however you pray for a family that is losing a dad and a husband. i can't even imagine exactly what that is, but i know they need it. go to mark's blog and show your support.